Happiness, laughter and tears – that’s the recipe for all of the humanist weddings I’ve been conducting for the last 13 years. I love the mixture of emotion and solemnity and sheer joy.
For most of my career I’ve been committed to humanist values, so when I left my post as Dean of Media, Arts and Design at the University of Westminster, becoming a celebrant seemed like a natural next step.
I’ve always been passionately committed to feminism, equal opportunities and everyone’s rights to a fair, ethical life with or without religion. For many years I was editor of BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour, a programme, which offers so many women the opportunity to share their experiences. I was fascinated by all of their stories, so much so that I’ve now written a book, Golden Girls: Advice and Inspiration for Today’s Grandmothers, which encompasses all of these principles.
You may have decided that you don’t want a religious wedding. But I’ve found that however radically atheist they may be, the couples I marry always want some elements of a traditional ceremony. But the one marriage symbol that everyone insists on is the ring. Most choose matching rings together. One couple even made their own in a gold jewellery workshop. Simon and Claire decided to follow a custom from his Greek family background, where chosen members of each family take it in turns to slide the rings on the fingers of the bride and groom.
People who choose a humanist wedding value the freedom to create their own, original ceremony without having to follow any rules. Gemma wore a red dress at her wedding. The bridesmaids were all in black. Ruth came down the aisle with her four-year-old daughter and Anna with her mother. Paul was followed by two “groomsmaids” as he approached Ricardo, who played the guitar and serenaded his love.
Often, couples will want to adapt traditions from their own religious backgrounds, regardless of their humanism. Laura and John chose a hand-fasting to reflect their Irish heritage. Jesse and Melissa, from two different faiths, liked the Jewish custom where the bride walks seven times round the groom. But, instead, they went round each other three times each, then once together, to emphasise their equality.
Planning a wedding should be a happy time but it can also be stressful and hard work. I will support you and your partner in creating a unique ceremony that is special to you, one that recognises the seriousness of the occasion but also the joy.