When couples aren’t religious and don’t want a traditional church wedding, preferring instead something that reflects them and their values, a humanist ceremony is often the perfect fit. That was the case for Paul and Mark. Paul shares their wedding story with us in his own words.
In February 2007, Mark and I were set up on a blind date by Mark’s friend Julie, my friend Pam, and their mutual friend Dianne. Of course, we thought, ‘This will never work just because we’re gay.’ But actually, it did!
The proposal
Throughout our relationship, Mark was always reluctant to discuss the subject of marriage, partly because same-sex marriage was not yet recognised here when we initially got together, and partly because he didn’t see the point. So, in my mind, any proposal had to be from Mark!
When we first got together, I had a ring that I loved, but then I thought I’d lost it. Unbeknown to me, Mark had actually kept hold of it. On the plane on our way to celebrate our 10th anniversary in New York he popped this ring out and asked me if I wanted to buy a real one and get married!
The planning process
We started the planning process when we got back from New York. Mark loves a list and so we had lists galore.
Why did you choose a humanist wedding?
Neither of us is religious and so we didn’t want a traditional church wedding, we wanted something that reflected us and our values and humanism, and a humanist ceremony seemed the perfect match.
Mark’s stepdad’s funeral had also been conducted by a humanist celebrant and we had seen what a great ceremony and reflection on his life that was.
Our celebrant
Our celebrant was initially recommended to us by staff at our venue, Rudding Park. As with anything, you’re always a little anxious and unsure, but when we met Cate, she was perfect and completely got us, our situation, and how we wanted the day to be. She put us at ease and had many ideas and suggestions, most of which we incorporated into our day.
The vision
We wanted the day to be a big celebration and to be all about us — with a nod to tradition.
Our theme for the day was about our journey – and travel, because travelling together is such a big part of our relationship. The table names were of places we’ve visited — and the music and everything else was worked around that.
The ceremony
The ceremony was traditional in the sense that we both walked down the aisle (all being equal).
We also had a ‘ring warming’ ceremony, which went down a treat and then we exchanged rings — the ones we bought in New York.
After the ceremony, there was a drinks reception, followed by the wedding breakfast and evening celebration. Many people warned us to be prepared for things not to go to plan, but we needn’t have worried as everything was perfect.
VIPs
Mark’s friend Rob was his Best Man and my mum was my Best Person. We had ‘Groomsmaids’ — three from each family, a Pageboy and Flower girl (our nephew Alfie and niece Amayah).
The venue
We looked at several venues from the Manchester Museum to many hotels. Set in 300 acres of landscaped gardens and woodland, Rudding Park luxury hotel in Harrogate had everything we wanted.
The legal bit
We had a small legal registration of marriage in the local town hall the week before so that we could fully enjoy the big day. But we think of our humanist ceremony as our real wedding.
Our photographer
Our cousin, James is a professional wedding photographer and he did our photos for us. He is great and we had several meetings about what we wanted to remember from the day in photographs.
Thank you Paul and Mark for sharing your story with us!
Is a humanist wedding for me?
A humanist wedding is ideal for you if you’d like a non-religious wedding that is unique, personalised, and meaningful.
How do I know if I’m a humanist?
Take our quiz and find out — or watch this short video where Stephen Fry explains humanism.
Featured celebrant
Cate Quinn is a humanist wedding celebrant based in Knaresborough. She’s available for weddings, vow renewals, and civil partnerships in North Yorkshire, West Yorkshire, and further afield — even abroad!
Find a celebrant near you
If you’re thinking of having a humanist wedding, you can find celebrants near you via our celebrant map. All our celebrants conduct same-sex weddings, so you don’t need to ask — it’s a given.
