When the law changed in Northern Ireland to allow Gabrielle and Dearbhaile to convert their civil partnership into a marriage, they could think of no better time to do it than on their tenth anniversary.
With help of humanist celebrant and close friend Jean, they created a truly personal and intimate ceremony to celebrate.
“When we had our civil partnership ten years earlier, it was an amazing day, but it wasn’t how we envisioned it would be,” explains Dearbhaile. “We didn’t want to do something religious but, even if we had, we wouldn’t have been able to marry in a church. We only had one option – a civil registrar. We talked about how, if we did it again, we’d make it much more personal.”
Then Jean arrived on the scene.
Gabrielle picks up the story: “I met Jean for the first time when she was officiating at a humanist wedding in Belfast, where I was taking the photos. She was so cool – not like any officiant I’d even seen before, certainly not like a priest.
“We didn’t even know each other then, but I thought if Dearbhaile and I ever did get married, I’d want her to do it. This was five or six years ago, before same-sex marriage was possible in Northern Ireland.”
From civil partnership to same-sex marriage
“In lockdown or just before, we heard that the law was changing to make it legal for same-sex couples to get married,” remembers Dearbhaile. “We discussed that we might want to change our civil partnership over to a marriage… maybe we could go and sign the form and then go out for dinner.”
But the couple soon realised that they wanted to mark the occasion with something more.
“It was so monumental for equality that we felt we should really celebrate. We should make a song and dance of it – we’d worked so hard for it!” says Gabrielle.
Why choose a humanist wedding?
Gabrielle and Dearbhaile had attended a lot of humanist weddings before they even started planning their own.
“We work photographing and videoing weddings,” explains Gabrielle. “The more humanist weddings we did, the more we thought, this is actually so lovely. When you are shooting weddings, they can end up all seeming very similar. Each one of these was so personal, so different.”
It wasn’t just the style of the ceremony that attracted them – it was the meaning behind it too.
Dearbhaile says, “We are both very much of the belief that you treat people the way you want to be treated. It’s the humanist ethos of love and equality that matters – the belief that everyone deserves the same as everyone else – and not just the humanist ceremony itself which was important.”
“Jean was always using her voice for everyone,” adds Gabrielle. “She’s an incredible person and such an ally for LGBTQ+ rights, it felt like she had the real essence of humanism.”
A small and intimate wedding ceremony
Dearbhaile explains how they kept the ceremony small, inviting the people who were most important in their lives to celebrate with them in their back garden:
“We got the garden all decorated. We had photos of our lives together, and our lives before we met each other too. There were lots of candles lit. We had a marquee, but we didn’t have an aisle, neither of us wanted to be waiting for the other to come in. Jean led the ceremony, along with Emily Rose, who is a singer and another close friend of ours.
“The guests milled around, chilling and chatting, with food and drink in the marquee. When Emily Rose started playing ‘The Voyage’ by Christy Moore, we knew the ceremony would start.
“We had prepared our vows separately, and we were so nervous about saying them, even in front of only ten people – they were so personal. It was hard to put 18 years of memories from our relationship into a one-minute speech. We’ve been in each other’s lives for so long, but we don’t usually express how we feel in front of our families.
Gabrielle agrees, “Jean saw, and said things about us as a couple that we couldn’t even explain to our own family. What’s special about a humanist celebrant is how they can tell your story. It wouldn’t have been half the day without her!”
‘Heaven is a place on earth’
There was one part of the ceremony that Dearbhaile and Gabrielle weren’t sure about at first, but they trusted Jean and Emily Rose to make it work… And they did!
“Our favourite song is ‘Heaven is a place on earth’. Jean and Emily Rose had the idea to get our families singing along to this. I thought, ‘My family would never!’,” recalls Dearbhaile.
“My sister hates singing, she hates attention, there’s no way she’ll do this’,” adds Gabrielle.
“Jean told us, ‘They’ll all be so happy, and filled with love, they’ll do anything you tell them’. She even had the lyrics printed on little cards,” says Dearbhaile. “They were belting it out. That’s the moment which makes me cry with happiness when I look back. It was the most magical thing ever!”
There was one more surprise on the day.
Dearbhaile explains: “Our vow renewal ceremony was only a day different to our civil partnership anniversary. We didn’t realise, but Jean told us that, at that time, the date of your marriage could be back-dated to the day of your civil partnership. She announced in the ceremony: ‘You have now been married for ten years!’”
Looking back now, Gabrielle reflects, “Even though the law has changed, there’s still not equality. Recent research shows hate crime against LGBTQ+ people is rising in the UK. It’s still scary to be out and proud. Sometimes we are wary about people knowing our situation, in case they might not hire us.
“So when we posted about our ceremony on instagram it felt monumental, it felt big. I’d been holding myself back because the way society treats us can be scary. But that felt like the right time to be more outspoken.”
Gabrielle and Dearbhaile’s celebrant was the fabulous Jean Barrett Quinn, a trained and fully accredited Humanist Ceremonies Wedding Celebrant based in Northern Ireland.
Find out more about Jean here or get inspired by visiting her Instagram page!
Huge thanks to Gabrielle and Dearbhaile for sharing their story with us, and thank you to their talented photographer Kat Mervyn for the wonderful photographs.
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Looking for more wedding inspiration? Check out these other fabulous real-life humanist weddings:
- We had a humanist wedding after 22 years together
- A same-sex marriage in Northern Ireland and a steampunk wedding in England: Rian and Owen’s humanist ceremony
- Lauren & Chris’ castle wedding in Northern Ireland
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