With the help of their humanist celebrant, Orla and Martin planned an intimate wedding full of symbolism and personal touches. Here, they explain how a humanist ceremony gave them the flexibility they needed to deal with changes of plan and to make the ceremony truly their own.
“Humanist values speak to us both”
“Getting married made a lot of sense, as we had started a family,” explains Martin. “We’d both been on the fence with the concept, but have been warming to it over time. We wanted to all share the same surname and I’d stopped correcting people when they called Orla my wife. It felt like we were already married in all except name.”
Orla is a humanist celebrant herself, so it was always likely that, if she and Martin got married, they would have a humanist ceremony.
“We both value kindness,” says Orla. “That’s very important to us. Humanist values speak to us both – being decent people fundamentally – and neither of us are religious, even though we have lots of respect for those who are.
Practical, personal, and flexible
As well as the practical benefits of having a legally-recognised marriage, and the way it aligned with their values, there was another reason why Orla and Martin felt a humanist ceremony would be the right fit for them.
Orla explains: “It could be really personal. We could choose music related to our relationship, and our celebrant Leilia, who was already a friend, was able to make the ceremony really personal to us. No other type of marriage ceremony would have been as personal or as flexible.”
And flexibility turned out to be very important, as the day didn’t quite go as initially planned.
“We wanted the wedding to be outside. As it was December, we thought the weather would be our main adversary, but actually it was beautiful! However, our son Niall had the flu. He was very unhappy outside, so we quickly changed location to our living room.
“We did the paperwork by the lough, because that was the place agreed with the registry office, but the personal touches inside. We’d had a conversation with Leilia in advance about what would happen if we had to change plans. Having a wedding outside in December was always going to be very unpredictable – she just rolled with all the changes.”
“We went home – I fed Niall and got him settled in the warm with some medicine. Meanwhile, our photographer Ellie, Celebrant Leilia, and our friend Liz rearranged our living room, moving the Christmas tree so there would be space for the ceremony.”
Luckily, there weren’t many people to squeeze into the living room as Orla and Martin had decided not to tell their families about their marriage until the ceremony was over.
Exchanging vows in front of the Christmas tree
The guest list might have been small, but the ceremony was packed with beautiful symbolism, chosen and personalised by Martin and Orla. They also made such that each element had the potential to last much longer than the day itself.
During the ceremony, the couple drank whiskey from a beautiful ceramic quaich – an ancient Scottish tradition that symbolises trust, love, and togetherness between the people who share the same drink – poured by their friend and witness Liz.
“My friend Tom is an incredible potter,” says Orla. “So I asked him to make a quaich for us. I gave him some examples, saying I’d like him to make some to show couples who I would be the celebrant for. He didn’t realise he was making them for us!
“We also did a lovely handfasting, with a beautiful knot, in front of our Christmas tree. When we’d tied it, we draped it over the tree and left it there for the rest of the festive season. We’ve put our decorations away now, but we think we’ll put this up every year at Christmas.
And finally, the vows.
“We were keen to write our own vows,” says Orla. “Well, I was, Martin not so much. I wanted something romantic but funny, but I didn’t want to put pressure on him. So we worked together on our vows. The first time we tried it was atrocious and we fell out a bit!
“The second time was better, we ended up with something lighthearted and funny. We said a line each and we really enjoyed it. It was important to make vows, but we were already committed. We already know how much we mean to each other.”
‘The way we did it suited who we are.’
Orla explains why they wanted such a small wedding: “I’ve recently turned 30 and had a big party then. We have also recently moved country and had a baby! Our friends and family have been very generous with their time, money and effort already – we didn’t want to put anyone to any unnecessary expense over our wedding.”
“We didn’t want to offend anyone, so we decided we would have to invite everyone or no one.” adds Martin. “Afterwards, we made a 10 second video, telling everyone that we’d got married, and sent it out to all our family and friends at the same time, so no one could say they didn’t know. Everyone was made up for us!”
“It helped that we got married on a Thursday when everyone was at work,” continues Orla. “People did ask both of our mums, ‘Weren’t you upset not to be there?’ But they said it was up to us, it was our wedding. They were delighted for us. We didn’t need a big day with lots of people. The point was to be married, not to have a wedding. The way we did it suited who we are.”
Orla’s and Martin’s celebrant was the wonderful celebrant Leilia.
Leilia is happy to work in Bristol, the South West, and beyond, you can contact Leilia here.
Orla is also a Humanist Ceremonies celebrant! She is based in Craigavon, taking ceremonies across Northern Ireland, and is also happy to travel further. You can contact Orla here.
