Planning a funeral can be one of life’s most emotionally challenging tasks. Whether you’re organising the funeral of a loved one or helping someone else through the process, it’s important to recognise the impact it can have on your mental health.
While planning a funeral, prioritising your own well-being is crucial. Here are some practical ways to support your mental health while planning a funeral:
1. Acknowledge your emotions
If you’re planning a funeral for a loved one, it’s likely you’ll be grieving at the same time as making arrangements and doing other tasks related to their death. Grief can come with a wave of emotions — sadness, anger, guilt, numbness, and sometimes relief. It’s essential to give yourself the space to feel these emotions as they arise. Suppressing your grief completely in order to focus on organisation and admin may seem like the most practical option but can take a toll on your mental health in the long run.
- Take moments to pause and reflect: Don’t feel like you have to stay “strong” all the time. Allow yourself to cry, reflect, or simply take a moment for yourself whenever necessary.
- Accept vulnerability: It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Giving yourself permission to experience your emotions can be deeply healing. Not everyone feels sadness straight away, and it’s not unusual to feel relieved after supporting someone through an illness – there’s no ‘right’ way to navigate grief.
Acknowledging your grief alongside the practicalities of planning can help you to avoid bottling up your emotions, which may surface in more difficult ways later on.
2. Work with a funeral industry professional
This may be the first funeral you’ve had to arrange but funeral directors and funeral celebrants are professionals: they will be able to support you with the practicalities of the planning process.
If your loved one was non-religious a humanist ceremony could be the authentic choice for their funeral. A Humanist Ceremonies celebrant can play an important role in supporting you to create a meaningful funeral. Humanist Ceremonies celebrants are highly trained to provide personal, non-religious ceremonies that reflect the life and legacy of your loved one.
- Take practical guidance: By working with a celebrant, you don’t have to feel like all the pressure is on you. They can guide you through crafting a ceremony that honours your loved one, allowing you more time to focus on your personal feelings.
- Reduce decision fatigue: Where someone close to you dies there can suddenly be a lot of choices to make. A celebrant will help you make decisions around readings and music, which helps relieve the burden of feeling like you have to ‘get everything right’ on your own. They can suggest poems that they think would work in the ceremony, and even support you with some examples of tributes.
3. Share Responsibilities
It’s important to remember that you don’t have to do everything alone. Sharing the responsibility of funeral planning can significantly reduce stress and emotional burnout.
- Delegate tasks: If possible ask close friends or family members to assist with specific jobs, such as organising flowers, writing notices, or coordinating with the venue. Sharing the workload helps lift the emotional pressure.
- Seek professional support: Appointing professionals to take on some responsibilities gives you more time to focus on your well-being.
4. Prioritise Self-Care and Take Breaks
Amid the decisions, organisation, and emotions involved in planning, it’s easy to forget about your own well-being and that you may be dealing with a large change in your life. Looking after yourself is essential.
- Take breaks: Schedule short breaks throughout the day. Even 10-15 minutes to step outside into the fresh air or take a walk in nature, have a cup of tea, or simply breathe can help reset your mind and emotions.
- Stick to a simple routine: Grief can disrupt our regular habits, but try to maintain basic routines such as eating, sleeping, and personal care. These small acts provide stability and a sense of control in an otherwise overwhelming situation.
5. Create space for reflection and remembering
In the midst of planning, find time to reflect on the life of your loved one and your own journey. Planning a funeral can be a difficult time but it can also be a time to celebrate the life that was lived and the impact they had on your own life. This could be as simple as sitting quietly, journaling, looking through photographs, or sharing stories with family and friends.
- Journaling or writing: Putting your thoughts down on paper can be a helpful release for your emotions. It can also be a way to honour your loved one by capturing cherished memories. Some of these you might want to incorporate into a tribute for the ceremony.
- Share stories: Reminiscing with family or friends about happy moments or funny anecdotes can bring a sense of connection and healing amidst the grief.
- Humanist Tribute archive: If you choose a Humanist Ceremonies celebrant to lead the funeral, you might want the story of your loved one to be included in the Humanist Ceremonies Funeral Tribute archive. This is an online repository containing the tributes of people who have had a humanist funeral, available for family, friends and historians to access any time. Find out more.
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Reach Out for Support
Connecting with others can help alleviate the emotional burden and provide valuable guidance. Grief is a normal reaction to the loss of a loved one, however if your emotions are unbearable or you cannot move out of grief after some weeks have passed you may want to speak to your GP or a mental health professional.
- Seek grief counselling: A professional grief counsellor can offer coping strategies and a safe space to express your feelings, helping you navigate the complexity of loss.
- Join a support group: Sharing your experiences with others who have gone through similar losses can be incredibly comforting. Knowing that you’re not alone in your grief can provide strength and solidarity.
The Childhood Bereavement Network has a directory of services aimed specifically at supporting bereaved children.
You can call the Cruse bereavement support helpline
Planning a funeral while grieving is one of life’s most difficult experiences. By acknowledging your emotions, working with industry professionals, such as a humanist celebrant, sharing responsibilities, and prioritising self-care, you can help protect your mental health during this challenging time.
Ultimately, caring for your emotional well-being allows you to honour not only the life of your loved one but also your own at a stressful time.
Helpful blogs for planning a funeral:
What is a eulogy and how do I write one?
Uplifting and humorous poems for a humanist funeral
