Frequently asked questions
We know you’re likely to have lots of questions. Have a look at what we’ve been asked before, and do contact us if there’s something we haven’t covered.
Where
Can we have our wedding at my parents’ house?
Yes. You can have your wedding anywhere you fancy, indoors or out.
We’d like to get married outdoors. Is this crazy?
Absolutely not. Indeed al fresco weddings – whether in public places or at private venues – often have a wonderfully relaxed and intimate feel to them. That said, in case the British weather lives up to its reputation, we always advise there is a plan B: this might be an indoor venue close by or simply the provision of lots of umbrellas! Your celebrant can talk this through with you.
We want to get married abroad. Can we take a celebrant with us?
Many of our celebrants are happy to take weddings overseas and have been to some lovely places to do so! Celebrants will often let you know on their websites if they are happy to travel, but if you have found someone you would like to work with that doesn’t mention this, do just get in contact with them and ask. Otherwise, please contact the office for details of who might be available.
What
What happens at a wedding ceremony?
Each ceremony is written specifically for the couple; there is no set format. But as a guide, a typical wedding might include readings or poems, information about the couple and why they are choosing to marry and perhaps some music. The couple will make vows or commitments to each other and often exchange rings. A sample structure of a humanist wedding is shown here.
Does having a humanist wedding involve a lot of work?
It definitely takes more time and thought to arrange a humanist ceremony than a standard church or civil wedding, but it’s well worth the effort. You will end up with a ceremony that reflects the two of you, what you value and your hopes for the future, and an occasion that is truly unique and personal. An added bonus is that most couples find the planning process interesting and fun too. For example, one recently married couple commented:
‘I wholeheartedly recommend a humanist wedding. It is so customisable that it can surmount any boundaries of religion, culture or language. As with anything bespoke it does take a bit more time to consider material you would like the ceremony to contain, but it is so worth it. You will have a ceremony that is 100% you.’
How much does a humanist wedding ceremony cost?
Fees vary according to requirements and can generally be anything between £450-£1500. This is a wide range but reflects that weddings can vary tremendously. Individual celebrants’ fees are often given on their website or you can find out more by emailing or phoning them: be sure to mention your intended venue so they can take into account the amount of travel involved.
Celebrants work in slightly different ways but as a guide each celebrant’s fee will cover:
- A planning meeting to discuss the ceremony in depth
- Drafting and editing a personal script
- Attendance at a rehearsal at your chosen venue
- Delivery of the ceremony on the day itself
- A presentation copy of the script
How long does a humanist wedding last?
It depends on what you want to include, but as a guide around 20-45 minutes. This is one of the aspects you can discuss with your celebrant.
Do you offer same-sex weddings?
We certainly do. Indeed,Humanists UK celebrants have been conducting ceremonies for same sex couples for at least two decades and were instrumental in successfully campaigning for legal same-sex marriage.
We got married abroad and want another ceremony for friends and family here. Can you do this?
Yes, we’d be happy to create such an occasion for you – in fact many of our wedding ceremonies take place under similar circumstances. We can make the humanist ceremony a wedding in itself or think of it as a celebration of your marriage – whatever suits you best. That said, in practice most couples in such circumstances choose to make promises to each other and (re)exchange rings.
We’re not actually humanists – or at least we don’t think we are. Can we still have a humanist wedding ceremony?
When they look at humanism, many people discover they are actually humanist in outlook without having realised it, in fact surveys show that about one in five people in the UK are non-religious and hold humanist beliefs.
If you are non-religious and look to science, reason, empathy, and compassion in order to live an ethical and meaningful life, then you’re in the right place: you’re amongst those with a humanist outlook, and our ceremonies offer you a non-religious, personal, and meaningful way to celebrate your marriage.
One fun thing you can do to explore more is take our ‘How humanist are you?’ quiz.
My grandmother / aunt / dad etc. is religious and I don’t want them to be offended. Will a humanist wedding be okay?
We recognise that nearly every ceremony is attended by guests of different faiths and of none, and feel passionately that everyone present should feel comfortable and involved.
The focus of your humanist wedding will be on the two of you and your relationship and what you value. Underpinning it all will be the humanist view of long-term partnerships as being strongest when built upon support, equality and honesty. It’s difficult to imagine anyone would have a problem with that!
Do you have any rules about the ceremony being photographed / videoed?
Most celebrants will have no rules about this and are concerned only that you get the pictures you want. In fact, many photographers love humanist weddings as there is a lot of interaction for them to capture, particularly since couples often face their guests.
Content
We love the idea of a personal wedding but we don’t know where to start.
That’s very common and not a problem at all. Your celebrant will lead the process and can give you as much help and guidance as you need to work out what would suit you and your situation. They can advise on readings, music, promises and a whole series of big and small issues that help the day to go well.
We’d like to involve our guests in some way. Can we do this?
Absolutely. It’s great when guests are really involved in a marriage rather than simply witnessing it. Your celebrant will be happy to suggest ideas.
Can we have music during the ceremony?
Yes. There is real poignancy in music, whether it’s a live performance, listening to something recorded, or perhaps having something for everyone to sing along to! Your celebrant can suggest some choices for you to consider.
I’m worried I’m going to cry during the wedding.
A personal wedding is an emotional occasion and it’s not at all unusual for there to be both tears and laughter during the ceremony. This is fine – it’s a big moment and you’re allowed to show your feelings! Your celebrant will be there as a reassuring presence (and also to pass tissues if necessary).
Many couples find that the rehearsal helps them prepare for the big day emotionally as well as practically. You may be surprised by how relaxed you feel! But if you do cry, it’s absolutely fine.
We’d like to include a ritual from another culture. Is this okay?
Certainly. Humanist ceremonies are non-religious but there are many rituals from other cultures that can be incorporated, such as Chinese tea ceremonies or the Jewish ritual of glass-smashing. Your celebrant will be delighted to discuss your ideas.
Vows
Personal vows are often one of the highlights of a humanist wedding so, yes, we absolutely encourage you to write or choose your own words, and will give whatever help and support you need to do so.
Do we have to write our own vows?
No, not if you don’t want to. Your celebrant can provide a range of sample vows for you to look through and you might want to use some of these or adapt them slightly: it’s entirely up to you. But if you do decide to write your own vows, your celebrant can help you to get started with these and, if you want them to, will be happy to act as a sounding board for your ideas.
We really like traditional vows. Can we use these?
Yes. Many people feel there is a real gravitas to traditional church words, for example, and these can be adapted slightly to make them fitting for a non-religious ceremony. Parts of the register office words are popular too and, if you wish, these can be incorporated into your vows or during the ring exchange, if you are having one.
I hate public speaking and I am really worried about it. Can you help?
Actually there is no requirement for you to say anything at your wedding if you really don’t want to. That said, most people feel that the public declaration of vows or promises is one of the most important parts of the ceremony. If one or both of you are worried about speaking, the easiest way to accommodate this is for your promises to be written in the form of questions to which you each answer ‘I do’ or ‘I promise’. The promises themselves can still be personal, but spoken by the celebrant.
Legalities
Will we be legally married after a humanist wedding?
If you’re getting married in Scotland, Northern Ireland, or Jersey, the answer is yes!
Humanist weddings in England, Wales, Guernsey, and the Isle of Man do not currently have legal status but we continue to campaign for this. However, many couples take care of the legalities at a local register office and consider their humanist wedding their real wedding. And there really are some advantages to our weddings not having legal status. For example, there is no restriction about what can or cannot be included and where you can or cannot marry. It makes the whole occasion much more flexible and so much more personal.
When do couples get married legally if they are having a humanist wedding?
This depends from couple to couple. Many will have taken care of the paperwork at the register office in the days before their humanist ceremony, perhaps just taking a couple of people along as witnesses. Others do this on the same day as their humanist wedding, making it all part of the celebration, whilst others leave the legalities until after they have had their ‘proper’ (i.e. humanist) ceremony.
I love the idea of a humanist wedding but don’t want the hassle of getting married twice.
This is a common concern, and we look forward to a time when humanist weddings are legally binding. That said, a register office wedding to legally register your marriage doesn’t have to be long or expensive and you can do this without making a big deal of it if you choose.
Do we have to be get legally married if we want a humanist wedding?
No. There are various reasons why people might want the public statement of commitment and celebration without legally registering their partnership as a marriage: celebrants are sensitive to this.
If we have to get married legally at a different time and place, will a humanist ceremony actually feel like a wedding?
A lot of people are understandably concerned about this. In fact, couples tell us that their humanist wedding felt like their ‘real’ wedding, as what mattered most to them is being surrounded by those they love as they make public commitments to each other.
Will guests feel like they are at our ‘real’ wedding if it isn’t legally binding?
Absolutely. Indeed, guests often comment afterwards that the occasion was much more moving and meaningful than other weddings they’ve been to, because it was so personal.
Do we have to tell people that the wedding isn’t legal?
Your celebrant will talk to you about how you want to manage this. It’s perfectly possible to explain the legal situation in a positive way, saying that this is the occasion you consider your real wedding. But if you don’t want to draw any attention to the legalities then that’s fine too, though obviously your celebrant won’t say anything that suggests it is legally binding.
Why are humanist weddings legal in Scotland, Northern Ireland, and Jersey?
Marriage law is different in different parts of the UK and crown dependencies. Humanist weddings have been legally binding in Scotland since 2005 and their popularity has snowballed: recent figures show that they now account for 20% of all weddings. Northern Ireland and Jersey extended legal recognition in 2018. We hope it won’t be long before the rest of the UK follows their fine examples.
More information about humanist weddings in Scotland is available from Humanist Society Scotland.
When are humanist weddings going to be legal in England and Wales?
We hope soon. There’s lots of cross-party support, and the Lib Dems, Labour Party and Greens all support legal recognition of humanist marriage. With our recent success in gaining legal recognition in Northern Ireland, we continue to pursue the issue every way we can.
Civil partnerships
A civil partnership is a type of union which gives couples the same legal rights and benefits as couples who have entered into a marriage, such as pension benefits, life insurance recognition, next of kin rights, property rights, tenancy rights, social security benefits, and so forth.
They were originally created in 2005 to give same-sex couples something approaching marriage equality, ahead of full marriage equality coming to England, Scotland, and Wales in 2013. Originally, civil partnerships were only for same-sex couples, but since 2019 in England and Wales and 2020 in Northern Ireland they have also been available to opposite-sex couples. The same change is also in the pipeline in Scotland.
Where are same-sex civil partnerships legal?
Same-sex civil partnerships are legally recognised throughout the UK and crown dependencies, but only in Scotland can you have a legally recognised civil partnership conducted by a humanist celebrant.
Outside of Scotland you can have a humanist ceremony before or after the civil partnership you signed through a registrar. The humanist ceremony can include individual promises or vows, symbolic acts, reading, poetry and music. One advantage of a humanist ceremony, whether commemorating a marriage or a civil partnership, is how flexible the format is – and how much time, energy, and creativity your accredited humanist celebrant can bring to helping you create your perfect ceremony.
Working with a celebrant
How far in advance do we need to book a celebrant?
There’s no rule but many celebrants do get booked up quite a while in advance, especially on Saturdays during the summer. If your chosen celebrant is busy they will always be happy to recommend someone else.
Our find-a-celebrant search facility lets you search for all Humanists UK accredited celebrants who work in your area. Simply enter the postcode of your venue or your home and you’ll be given a list of people to contact. Many celebrants have their own websites so you can read more about them. You can then phone or email celebrants directly to check their availability and ask them more about how they work.
We want to make sure we are comfortable with a celebrant before we decide to book them. Can we meet in person?
It’s important you have a chance to check that you’re a good match for each other. Most celebrants will be happy to meet up without obligation for a chat and a cup of coffee. If you’re further afield, an initial phone call or a chat on Skype works well.
What should I ask a celebrant when we first meet?
Feel free to ask them whatever you want to know – they won’t be offended! Or you can ask them to talk about how they put a ceremony together to get a sense of how they work. Or let them know your initial thoughts about what you want from the occasion and let the conversation go from there.
Celebrants are smartly, professionally, and appropriately attired. If you have a particular dress code for the occasion, do let your celebrant know.
We live overseas but will be returning to the UK for our wedding. Can we work together from a distance?
Yes, that’s fine. Our celebrants are used to working with couples who live abroad with communication being via Skype and email. You will probably want to meet in the flesh before the big day if possible; this often happens at the wedding rehearsal.
Got a question that’s not answered here? Send us an email or post on our Facebook page and we’ll get back to you.
