Chloe and Paul wanted a relaxed, informal wedding which reflected what matters to them – community, family, and a great night out at the pub. With the help of friend, quiz-master and humanist celebrant, Mark, they created a day which was “fun, casual, and perfect”.
“It started as a joke: ‘Wouldn’t it be funny if we got married in the pub?’” remembers Paul. “Then, the more we thought about it, the more we saw, well, there was no reason not to.”
Stretford pub HEAD is the place where Paul and Chloe went on their first date, and a few after that. It’s where they’ve found friendship and community. It’s where they feel they belong.
As Paul explains, “The music is excellent. The bar staff are amazing. There is a community of people here, mostly traders or skilled in crafts. If you need something, there’s always someone who can help.”
“It’s our home away from home,” adds Chloe.
Chloe and Paul had both been married before – in register office weddings which were “stressful and expensive, with so much faffing around about table covers and invitations”. They had no interest in going through all that again.
‘A wedding with no religion and no patriarchy’
The couple knew they were going to be together forever, but getting married wasn’t in their plans, until a conversation over a pint in HEAD.
“We knew Mark from the pub,” says Paul. “We got chatting and found out he was a humanist celebrant. He told us that we could have a wedding anywhere.”
“And that you could have a wedding with no religion and no patriarchy,” Chloe adds. “I’d describe myself as a humanist, but until then I didn’t know humanist ceremonies were a thing.
“We really wanted Mark to be our celebrant, because he was someone that we knew and who knew us. He had seen our relationship from the start.”
Paul and Chloe were clear what they didn’t want for their wedding: “We didn’t want an aisle or a seating plan, anyone being given away or promising to obey. We didn’t send out invites either. Instead, we set up a Facebook group, saying ‘We’re getting married, come and have a drink with us’ ”.
They were equally clear what they did want: “We wanted something small and informal. We wanted our children there, and to write our own vows. The venue was really important too. And we wouldn’t have done it without Mark.”
‘Please will you be our celebrant?’
First of all, they had to ask Mark if he would be their celebrant. This, of course, took place in the pub.
“Mark runs the pub quiz,” explains Paul. “Each week, he reads out the team names and gives a prize for the best one. One week, our team name was: ‘Mark, will you please be our celebrant on 20 July?’”
Chloe continues: “When he read it out, people started cheering. He was really moved by it. Not long after that, we met him in the pub for drinks and pizza and he asked about the details he didn’t know: our first date, first kiss, when our parents first met each other.
“He showed us all the things we could do as part of the ceremony. We chose the quaich [a cup that the couple both drink both during the ceremony]. We thought, we both love whiskey and we’re in a pub, so we’ll do that. Mark wrote the draft script, sent it to us and we were both happy from the off.”
“Then we had our work to do – choosing the music, as well as writing vows and our words about each other,” says Paul.
‘Heartfelt and funny, hilarious and wholesome’
The vows were central to the whole ceremony, as Chloe explains: “We didn’t see the vows or what we had written about each other before the ceremony. They came as a nice surprise. Everybody was laughing with us, crying with us, everybody was included. Paul was crying like a baby.”
“I barely got through my vows,” he agrees. “I had to stop and get a tissue.”
“They were heartfelt and funny, hilarious and wholesome – both the vows and the whole day,” adds Chloe. “Our children and my best friend read poems that we’d picked. The ceremony was exactly how we wanted it to be.
“We also had loads of friends who did bits. The staff decorated the pub for us. A friend did the buffet, another friend did the bouquet.
“We didn’t assign roles. They all offered because they wanted to be part of it. We are blessed with so many creative friends, so after the ceremony we had an open mic.
“I did the first song to start it off,” says Paul. “It felt as comfortable as a night out at the pub – it just so happened that we’d got married while we were there.”
Creating an informal wedding ceremony
Looking back, Chloe and Paul are happy with all the decisions they made, and they have words of encouragement for other couples considering a more relaxed, informal wedding.
Chloe: “If you’re put off traditional marriage because of all the faff and fuss, and stress and stuff, our advice would be, if you don’t want any of that, you can do it your way. Our day was casual and fun and perfect.”
Paul: “The key for me was that we did it for ourselves, not for other people. If all that matters is that you join each other, this is the perfect way, without all the constructs of a wedding.
“Some people weren’t sure when we told them, but when they came and saw it, they thought it was really good fun, it was unlike any other wedding they’d ever been to. If you want something unique, this is the best way. We’d highly recommend building your own wedding!”
Thank you to Chloe and Paul for sharing the story of their wonderfully fun and relaxed wedding ceremony with us, and to their Humanist Ceremonies celebrant Mark Adams. If you’re not lucky enough to bump into him at your local pub, not to worry, you can also get in-touch via his web page.
Photographs were taken by Mark’s mentee and fellow humanist wedding celebrant, Julie Kelling.
All our trained and accredited celebrants bring their unique experience to your wedding ceremony: you can find someone near you by using our Find a celebrant map.
Find out more about humanist weddings
- What is a humanist wedding?
- Find your local humanist wedding celebrant
- Humanist wedding: Nic and Stéphane’s untraditional wedding party
