Being asked to write and deliver a funeral speech, or eulogy, is a significant honour, but it can also feel like a heavy responsibility, especially when you’re grieving. But, for many, it’s an important chance to pay a personal tribute, share precious memories, and help others understand and connect with the person who has died.
Whether you’re preparing for a humanist funeral, a religious service, or another form of memorial,. this step-by-step guide provides practical tips and a clear structure to help you write a meaningful and heartfelt funeral speech.
Step 1: Understand the Purpose
Before you start writing, remember why you’re giving this speech. A eulogy aims to:
- Honour and Remember: celebrate the life and character of the person who died.
- Share Their Story: offer insights into who they were, beyond just facts and dates.
- Provide Comfort: offer solace to fellow mourners by sharing positive memories and acknowledging the loss.
- Personalise the Farewell: make the service feel unique and specific to the individual.
In a humanist funeral, memorial, or celebration of life, the eulogy is usually the central tribute, focusing entirely on the person’s life and impact. This will often be led by the humanist celebrant, with family members and friends making contributions. Your celebrant will advise you of the word count for your piece, so that it fits within the time limit of the ceremony. For other kinds of funeral service or memorial, check with the officiant about how long you can speak for.
Step 2: Gather Your Thoughts and Memories
Don’t try to write the speech straight away. First, brainstorm and collect your ideas together:
- Key Life Details: note down important dates, places, career milestones, family connections.
- Personality & Character: what words describe them? (e.g., kind, funny, determined, quiet, adventurous, creative). What made them unique? Think about their quirks, habits, and sayings.
- Passions & Interests: what did they love doing? Hobbies, travel, music, books, sports, causes they cared about?
- Relationships: reflect on their connections with family, friends, colleagues. How did they impact others?
- Specific Stories & Anecdotes: this is important! Concrete examples bring the person to life far better than general descriptions. Think of short stories that illustrate their personality, kindness, humour, or achievements.
- Talk to Others: speak with other friends and family members. They might share memories or perspectives you hadn’t thought of.
Step 3: Structure Your Speech
Organising your thoughts will make writing easier and the speech clearer for listeners. Here’s a simple, effective structure:
- Introduction
- Introduce yourself and your relationship to the person (if needed).
- Briefly state your purpose – that you’re there to share some memories and celebrate their life.
- You could start with a short quote or a defining characteristic.
- Body (The Main Part)
- This is where you share the stories and insights gathered in Step 2.
- Don’t just list facts; weave them into a narrative.
- You could structure this chronologically (early life, career, family, later life) or thematically (focusing on different aspects like their work, their family life, their sense of humour, their kindness).
Use anecdotes!
Share 2-4 specific, brief stories that illustrate key points about them.
- Focus on the positive, but it’s okay to acknowledge challenges if appropriate and done sensitively.
- Maintain an authentic tone – if they were funny, include gentle humour. If they were serious, you can reflect that.
- Conclusion (Brief)
- Summarise the person’s essence or lasting impact.
- Offer a final thought, a simple expression of love, loss, or appreciation.
- End on a warm, conclusive note. (e.g., “We will miss her dearly,” “His memory will live on,” “Thank you for everything.”)
Step 4: Write the Draft
Now, start writing, using your structure and notes.
- Write as You Speak: use natural, conversational language. Avoid jargon or overly formal phrasing unless it fits the person.
- Be Authentic: write from the heart. It doesn’t need to be perfect prose.
- Focus on “Show, Don’t Tell”: instead of saying “She was generous,” tell a quick story showing her generosity.
- Keep it Appropriate: aim for a respectful tone, even when sharing lighter moments.
Step 5: Refine and Practice
- Check the Length: read the speech aloud slowly to check that it runs to the time advised by you humanist celebrant. You can assume 130 – 140 words per minute. It’s better to be slightly brief than too long.
- Edit for Clarity: remove any confusing sentences or unnecessary details. Ensure smooth transitions between points.
- Proofread: check for typos or grammatical errors. Ask someone else to read it over if possible.
- Practice,practice, practice: read it aloud several times. This helps you become familiar with it, find a natural pace, and identify tricky spots. You don’t need to memorise it, but practice builds confidence.
Tips for Delivery:
- Print your speech in a large, easy-to-read font. Double-space it so that it’s nice and clear, and set the text for only the top two thirds of the page – it means that you keep your head up as you are speaking. If you wear glasses make sure to have them on you.
- Speak slowly and clearly. Pause occasionally.
- It’s perfectly okay to be emotional. Have tissues ready. Take a deep breath if needed. Everyone present understands how difficult a task you are undertaking and no-one minds waiting whilst you gather yourself together. Remember – your celebrant will be on hand to take over if needed.
- If you’re telling a humorous story, don’t forget to smile – sometimes people feel the need for permission to laugh at a funeral.
- Look up and make eye contact with attendees occasionally if you feel comfortable.
- Remember why you’re doing it – to honour someone special.
Getting Support
If you’re working with a humanist celebrant, they can offer guidance or review your draft. Don’t hesitate to ask for help.
For more detailed support on writing this important tribute:
- Read Humanist Ceremonies’ In-Depth Guide: Visit our blog post specifically on this topic: “What is a eulogy and how do I write one”: https://humanists.uk/ceremonies/funerals/blog/what-is-a-eulogy-and-how-do-i-write-one/
- Considering a Humanist Funeral? Find a celebrant who can help craft the entire ceremony, including supporting you with the eulogy: https://humanists.uk/ceremonies/find-a-celebrant/
Additional Resources
