Featured celebrant
Rosie Sherry, Lincolnshire
Why did you become a Humanist celebrant?
I decided to train as a wedding celebrant after attending two wonderful humanist weddings, and as a naming celebrant after my little granddaughter’s lovely naming ceremony. I was looking for something fulfilling and enjoyable to do in my retirement, and I felt that my interests and skills fitted the role well. In my career, I’d worked with a diverse range of people, and interviewing was a big part of my job, so I felt I’d be able to get people to open up to me and share their stories with me. I was used to speaking to large groups of people and I love music and poetry. And as any of my family and friends will tell you I love dressing up and am always looking for an excuse to buy a new outfit! I have always believed that every occasion in life should be celebrated to the full and have made sure that all birthdays, holidays, and family celebrations have been memorable and full of fun. So helping to bring joy to the celebrations of other people just seemed like my dream job!
What kind of ceremony do you find most satisfying?
That’s impossible to say. I only do weddings and namings, and I find them equally satisfying. Actually, with weddings, quite a lot of the satisfaction comes from the initial meeting, when couples share their stories and tell you things that they haven’t even told each other. It’s often quite moving to see their reactions to what their partner is saying about them. I sometimes think that the meeting brings them closer together. In the ceremonies themselves the most satisfying part is seeing the different emotions on people’s faces – the laughter, joy, tears – and thinking that you’ve helped to create those special moments. And there is nothing like the feeling you get after the ceremony when people come up and thank you, often hug you, and tell you how much they enjoyed it!
What’s your advice to someone wanting to become a Humanist Celebrant?
Just do it! The training is excellent and it’s great to work among like-minded people. You need to be able to cope with the unexpected and to accept that other people’s ideas of a great celebration won’t necessarily be the same as yours. It’s a wonderful job – but don’t expect to get rich!
Tell us about some of your most memorable moments
Every ceremony is memorable in some way, but a few stand out.
My first ever wedding was an outdoor ceremony in a field beside the Thames near Oxford. It was a windy day, and minutes before the bride arrived the ceremony table took off down the field! The ushers and I chased after it and full order was restored just in the nick of time. A salutary lesson about weighing everything down – it’s never happened since.
My first same-sex wedding was in a beautiful wooded garden near Norwich. Everything looked perfect, but just as the ceremony was due to start the heavens opened. Everyone moved under the trees, and I took the ceremony huddled under a huge umbrella with a very elderly grandmother. We all sang ‘All you need is Love’ with the rain dripping off our faces! I was very relieved that I managed to keep the certificate and script dry. Everyone had a wonderful time – it was so unique and memorable. And as soon as the ceremony was over the sun came out!
My most memorable namings have been the two I conducted for my own granddaughters Beatrice and Matilda. I don’t usually get nervous, but ‘performing’ in front of family and friends was very scary, especially when you are emotionally involved as well. Another memorable naming memory was leading the guests in two rousing choruses of ‘Wind the Bobbin Up’ – you have to be very versatile as a celebrant!
But by far my most memorable moment so far was a recent wedding where the bride arrived by plane, piloted by her father. I don’t usually get emotional during ceremonies, but I was fighting the tears as the bride’s plane appeared on the horizon, flanked by two escort planes. All the guest were waving and cheering as they approached, and I was given a big hug by the rather gorgeous bridegroom. They were such a lovely couple and their day was magical.
Lorraine Barrett, Penarth, Wales
Why did you become a humanist celebrant?
Some ten years ago, I had attended 3 humanist funerals for friends of mine, and at the last one, I just thought to myself that it was something I would like to do. I’d been to many religious funerals where I felt it was totally inappropriate for the person who had died and I must confess I was not aware of the alternatives. The celebrant for the first two was the late Stella Wells who became my mentor and whose funeral I conducted a few years ago. The third funeral was led by Richard Paterson and I got talking to him afterwards. He encouraged me to train with the BHA and the rest is history as they say. I will forever be indebted to Richard, not just for conducting one of my best friend’s funerals, but for being there, always ready with some words of wisdom or advice.
What kind of ceremony do you find most satisfying?
Funerals! Namings are lovely occasions for families and friends to get together and celebrate the arrival of a new member of the family, and of course, to name her/him, but there is something so satisfying about a funeral ceremony when you have helped the family get through the most difficult time of their lives.
What’s your advice to someone wanting to become a Humanist Celebrant?
First and foremost, you have to be a people person. As celebrants we meet so many different people in such diverse situations. Many of those situations are very emotionally charged and you have to develop an outer layer of professionalism whilst keeping that inner sensitivity – at the end of the day it’s about the needs of the family and you only have one chance! Being a celebrant is a privilege.
Tell us about some of your most memorable moments
Each ceremony is unique because each person is unique, and since 2008 I have conducted such a range of funerals covering the whole gamut of life – from stillbirths through to those who have exceeded their century of life. Occasionally there will be just two people attending and sometimes more than 500 or even 1000.
Apart from Rhodri’s funeral, which was like no other because it was so very unique and I could write a whole chapter on that, I think the most poignant for me was when I led the funeral of my cousin Gareth ‘Morty’ Mortimer on Dec 23rd 2015. Gareth was the lead singer with Racing Cars who had a hit in 1973 with ‘They Shoot Horses Don’t They’. We grew up together in the Rhondda. His funeral was held in a sports hall in the Rhondda with 600 people there. We had a stage set up with a great sound system and his music was played during the ceremony – I welcomed everyone to Gareth’s last show. His brother (tour manager for Def Leppard) came over from the US and spoke about their young lives. Owen Money, well-known music broadcaster in Wales, gave the most eloquent, heartfelt tribute about their years performing and Gareth’s musical talent and his amazing voice. Gareth had a white coffin with his trademark hat placed on it, and at the end, we played his song ‘The Time Has Come’ – you can listen to it on youtube along with another of his that we played – ‘Lost Without You’.
Some six months later, I conducted the funeral for a friend David Land who was the bass guitarist with Racing Cars and during the last year or so I’ve done funerals for about six other musicians from bands in the 60s and 70s. They were people I knew as my husband is an agent for rock’n’roll bands and since I met him 48 years ago (I was very young!) our lives have revolved around music, politics and now funerals!
As I said at the beginning, each funeral is unique, and each family is going through their own grieving process no matter what the circumstances, no matter what their social standing – death is a great leveller and tends to put so many things in perspective. I feel very privileged to do what I do.
The funeral of the former First Minister of Wales, Rhodri Morgan, was the first of its kind in the UK; the first ever public funeral, akin to a state funeral, and it was led by humanist celebrant Lorraine Barrett, who is one of Humanists UK’s accredited celebrants.
Lorraine said, “I felt hugely privileged to have led Rhodri’ s funeral ceremony, which really was a celebration of his life with words, poetry, and music. I’d known Rhodri since the mid-1980s and besides sharing a love of the Labour Party, through all its ups and downs, we also shared a love of music. He lived his life as a humanist and said to me, after I led the funeral of a friend of his, “you can do mine when the time comes”.’ It was a privilege to have done that for Rhodri.”
Felicity Harvest, South East England
Why did you become a humanist celebrant?
For our daughter’s naming many years ago, I found the very first edition of ‘New Arrivals’ really useful. Reading it, I realised I was a humanist. I joined Humanists UK, and over the years used Humanists UK celebrants for family events, happy and sad. When I was made redundant a few years ago, I knew exactly what I wanted to do.
What kind of ceremony do you find most satisfying?
All of them! I love using my skills to help people get exactly the ceremony they want, be it a joyous beginning, or a sad farewell. Every humanist ceremony is different, designed with and for the people it celebrates.
There are two situations that I find particularly satisfying: the first is multiple ceremonies for the same family or friendship group – perhaps first a wedding, then namings for the couple’s children over the next few years. (Or my many trips to Whitstable, where I’ve done ten namings now for the same group of friends.) The other really special situation is working in advance with someone on their funeral, and then helping them make sure that their wishes are carried out. I recently started a funeral with the words “You all knew ‘S’, so it won’t surprise you to know that, however much she loved you, she didn’t trust any of you to plan her funeral.”
What’s your advice to someone wanting to become a Humanist Celebrant?
It’s now easier for people to get on a training course, so consider applying. You need to be a good listener, to really enjoy meeting people, and be happy to speak in public – though that last skill can be learned. You have to be well-organised and punctual.
And a strange piece of advice – I happen to have a name that is particularly appropriate for all kinds of ceremonies. If your name is in any way inappropriate – if it were “De’ath”, for example – you might adopt a professional name for your celebrant work.
Tell us about some of your most memorable moments
Animals are always memorable – such as the cat which walked down the aisle before the bride at my first wedding, and the rabbit which ran among the mourners at a burial on the South Downs.
I’ll never forget the wedding I did at dawn on a Greek beach; the one in a castle near Naples which had to also contain a (long) Italian civil ceremony; or the occasion when the Red Arrows flew over us just as the couple were exchanging promises. But perhaps my most memorable wedding was the one I did in Scotland, which was legally recognised. Now that really was exciting.
What clients say about Felicity:
“Felicity was incredibly warm, enthusiastic and full of great ideas that made our wedding special. She captured everything about our story that we wanted to share with family and friends and relayed it beautifully. We had so many comments about what a wonderful ceremony it was, many said the best they had ever been to. It inspired one of our guests to renew their own wedding vows with a humanist celebrant!”
“I wanted to also take this opportunity to thank you for the tribute, and the service – I feel that your kindness and obvious willingness to create and present an open, honest, and sometimes funny tribute to her resulted in something that I will treasure in the days and months to come.”
Jon Trevor, West Midlands
What is the best thing about being a celebrant?
Knowing that you are helping people work through one of life’s major events by providing support and personalised service. Plus, if like me you are curious about people (read: incurably nosy), you get to get glimpses into the most extraordinary lives!
Why did you decide to become a celebrant?
I attended a fabulous Humanist funeral for a friend’s mother. She had been an active member of a choir, and also a ballroom dance group, so there was literally singing and dancing in the crem! I decided then and there that I wanted to be part of that.
Why did you join the training team?
I used to say that being a celebrant was the most rewarding work I do. I can now truthfully say that this has been overtaken in rewarding-y-ness by training others. I love the diversity of backgrounds and approaches that our trainees bring with them, and then watching them transform into skilful members of our celebrant network.
What have you learnt through being a celebrant?
That how much you are mourned when you die bears zero relationship to how rich and successful you were. I have conducted funerals for high-achieving millionaires, with just a few unmoved family members and friends present out of politeness, and also for wastrels who have achieved nothing tangible in their lives but chaos, but with a chapel packed with weeping and desolate mourners. It’s all about how you make others feel, not about what you achieve or buy. I’ve also learned that there’s just no accounting for who marries who – love truly is unfathomable!
What are the memorable moments of ceremonies you have taken?
A power failure during a funeral (think about all the electrical equipment in a crematorium chapel). Conducting my first wedding outside a barn half-way up Snowdonia. Playing the Ying-Tong Song as the chosen reflection piece during a funeral. Talking a couple down from the ledge when they were insisting they wanted to hold their wedding in a public park on a Saturday. Spending a glorious afternoon in a caravan with a stunning view of the Welsh valleys, meeting with a pre-need client who had decided to peacefully spend his remaining time there; then taking his funeral six months later.
What clients say about Jon:
“Jon guided us expertly through the process of planning our wedding ceremony, offering guidance and focusing our attention on practicalities when needed, but always giving us the freedom to create a ceremony that was unique and personal to us. We had a great rapport with Jon, and he quickly understood what we wanted from the day, approaching it with sensitivity, humour, patience and attention to detail.” (Dawn and Fabienne)
“I just wanted to say a huge thank you for the wonderful personal service you conducted last Sunday. You really helped to make it a fantastic day adding a lot of warmth, humour and sincerity, I don’t think there was a dry eye in the chapel which was bursting with the people in there who love them both. I do feel very grateful that you put in so much effort to make it such a special occasion for us all. Keep doing what you do as you do it so well” (Anna and Tony, Bernie’s parents)
Maxine Beech, North West England
What is it like to be a celebrant?
It’s such a varied job. Not only in terms of the different couples, families and locations you work with, but in terms of the different roles you perform at each stage of creating ceremonial perfection. You need to be a creative designer; understanding the vision your couple have for their wedding, and offering ideas to help them achieve it. You have to be a writer and storyteller; listening carefully, getting under the skin of your couple, and crafting words that are moving, vivid, and capture their relationship. You’re also the ceremony coordinator. My aim is to make sure my couples can turn up to their wedding ceremony without a care in the world, and get carried along, enjoying and savouring every moment. To ensure that I will have worked with and briefed the photographer, venue staff, musicians, entire wedding party, parents, and considered every movement, prop and eventuality until I know that everything is set to run smoothly. And of course you need to be able to deliver a warm, genuine and engaging ceremony, adapting the tone and pitch as you go. After all, anything can happen!
What are the most memorable wedding ceremonies you have taken?
I can honestly say I remember the smallest details from every wedding I have ever conducted, but ones that stand out (for reasons not always expected) include a renewal of vows in a moving train over Llanberis lake, a tiny tot legging it down the hill with a handfasting ribbon, the best man ‘forgetting the ring’ and fetching the family dog who had them attached to his collar, ‘flash mob’ wedding advice, I could go on all day…
What about baby namings?
I absolutely love working with families to create a fun-filled naming ceremony. My niece, at the age of five, stood up the middle of her brother’s Christening and announced in her loudest voice ‘I’m bored!’ (to be honest, we were all thinking it!). That’s one thing a naming should never be! Every humanist ceremony is about putting the people at the centre, and in the case of a naming, that’s the child. So, in my namings, I’ve read aloud their favourite story whilst someone holds up the pictures, we’ve had young cousins perform a rap, all the guests reading Dr Suess, grandad singing Bob Dylan songs with his guitar, anecdotes about baby’s likes and dislikes and so on. Of course, they are also full of meaning, and heartfelt commitments are shared, but I challenge you to let go of the reins of convention a little, and do something fun and totally memorable!
“Our ceremony was perfect. Both of our expectations were shadowed by the breathtaking reality of the ceremony which Maxine both wrote and conducted. We are so grateful for her, not just for her professionalism but for her genuineness. From start to finish we felt as though our story and our love mattered. It is obvious to us that conducting wedding ceremonies is not just a job for Maxine. It is a way of life, and a celebration of life – and of love. We could not have asked for a better and more supportive celebrant. Thank you!” Erik and Laura
Blake Hutchings, West Midlands
Why did you become a celebrant?
This work is a perfect fit for my personal set of skills, passions and interests. I love the opportunity to be creative in my writing, and have a long history of public speaking and performance. I’m also a passionate believer in promoting ethical secular values, so Humanism is a perfect fit.
After I spoke at my uncle’s funeral, the celebrant approached me and suggested that I might be good at doing the job. I haven’t looked back since I started – it has been a wonderful experience so far.
t has been the most enjoyable ceremony that you have been a part of?
Without (too much) bias, it would have to be my own Humanist wedding. It was the first wedding ceremony that I worked on, in collaboration with another celebrant and friend, Bob Jelley, who conducted the ceremony for us. It was truly unique: we were married on stage at the Leamington Assembly, with the ceremony embedded in an evening of live music and circus entertainment; my wife and I made our entrance to the event by performing a trapeze act; and during the ceremony my wife delivered her vows with the aid of a PowerPoint presentation, with graphical representations of why our relationship works so well, including venn diagrams and a pie chart. The whole thing was packed with positivity, good humour, and a tangible vibrant energy.
Every ceremony I have worked on, whether weddings, funerals or namings, has been absolutely unique, and based around input from the families involved. I feel privileged to be a part of every one, but of course my own wedding was going to be my personal favourite as we were able to make it perfect for us. I work hard to try to make sure every couple or family that I work with are able to feel that same sense of individuality in their own.
What advice would you give someone thinking of a Humanist ceremony?
Just remember that this really is an amazing opportunity to do things your own way. There is nothing wrong with having a traditional ceremony, as they can be wonderful; but don’t allow traditions to confine you. Embrace the traditions you love, discard the traditions you don’t, and open your mind to new and exciting possibilities. After all, all traditions had to have a first time: why not start your own and blaze a trail!
Debra Jessett, Cumbria, North Lancashire & North Yorkshire
Why did you become a celebrant?
My journey began with my own daughters’ naming ceremony. My husband and I wanted to celebrate the arrival of our daughters and after attending a friend’s naming ceremony decided to hold a similar celebration ourselves. I designed a personal ceremony that involved many of our close family and friends and received wonderful feedback
The following year I lost my father. He didn’t have any religious beliefs and we held a simple funeral ceremony at the crematorium which was personalised by family and friends who took part, including myself. Although it was difficult, I am glad that I took the opportunity to speak about the special person he was and to remember the happy times that we had shared.
I was inspired by these experiences to become a humanist celebrant and began conducting Wedding and Naming Ceremonies in 2007 followed by funerals two years later. It was very special to be involved in another family occasion in 2011, when I conducted a Wedding Ceremony for my brother, Mark, and his wife, Mathy.
What is the most enjoyable thing about being a celebrant?
I love meeting people and am genuinely interested in how others live their lives. Every day is different and I enjoy working from home and travelling around the gorgeous Lake District where I live. I particularly like conducting outdoor ceremonies which bring together my skills as a celebrant and my experience of working in the outdoors.
I have discovered a real love of writing and get an enormous amount of satisfaction from writing someone’s story and consider it a privilege to be involved in people’s lives at such an important time.
What are the memorable moments of ceremonies you have taken?
A humanist ceremony gives the opportunity for those involved to not only connect with each other but also with their surroundings, and for me, the most special moments are those that show the real intimacy, friendship and love between people.
Several years ago I conducted a wedding for a couple on their own on the shores of Tarn Hows – they were totally in love and, against a backdrop of stunning Lake District scenery, it felt very special to be there. Another favourite moment was at a woodland burial when all the birds started singing along with the cellist during a moment of reflection – truly magical!
Hilary Leighter, London & Home Counties
What are the most enjoyable things about being a celebrant?
It is such a pleasure to make people happy. Whether it is bringing your family and friends together to celebrate a wedding or baby naming, or whether it is creating a perfect memory of the life of a loved person who has died, I am so glad that I can help you to have a day which focuses on happiness and love.
Why did you become a Humanist Celebrant?
I married my own wonderful husband in a personal Humanist Ceremony which was unique to us, and where we had the freedom to involve our Mums speaking and singing to us as we wished. So I thought this is brilliant, and I would like to provide this for other people. After my Dad died, my Mum insisted on a traditional religious ceremony which was inappropriate for any of us. So I also trained to provide Humanist Funerals, so that people will feel uplifted after the ceremony, and know it was exactly as their loved person would have wished.
What makes a Humanist Ceremony special, and different from one with an independent celebrant?
Humanism is a philosophy that believes that people matter. So every Humanist Ceremony focuses on you and those you love, in as much detail as you desire. It is not sidetracked by religious beliefs that many people will not share. I truly value the continuing professional training which Humanists UK provides, and I know that the quality of my ceremonies, and their loving delivery, improves with every one I take.
Feedback on Hilary’s Ceremonies:
Many of my couples and families have kindly written to thank me following a ceremony. Here are some lovely examples, thank you all very much:
“The moment we met you, we knew that you were exactly the right person to officiate at our wedding. Your kindness and warmth are palpable, and you bring a certain gravitas to your words that mark the importance of the ceremony. You took the time to get to know us both, and helped guide us through the process of writing a ceremony that was perfect. There was humour, there was solemnity, and most of all, there was love. We could never have gotten that from anyone but you – you really managed to get the best out of us, and in turn gave the best of yourself. We can’t thank you enough.” Tiff and Rob
“We can’t recommend Hilary enough. She was extremely helpful, professional and guided us all the way through from writing our ceremonial speeches to being the most memorable, charming, celebrant on the day of our Son’s naming day. A joyful soul with a friendly and loving nature, Hilary is just what you need for any Ceremonial occasion.” Aimee and Nick
“Please may I say how wonderful you were, Hilary. My mother had requested a Humanist Funeral and in the circumstances it was most apt, especially as you were such a great orator and gave a frank, informed and at times amusing celebration of the life of my dear mother. I appreciated that you spent three hours with my husband and I prior to the funeral finding out as much about Molly as was possible. You collated and presented this information to the funeral party as if you actually knew Molly and had been a part of her life too. Thank you once again Hilary for making the end a comfort and a relief. ” Erica
Ewan Main, York
What are the most enjoyable things about being a celebrant?
One of my favourite things is meeting couples for the first time. My wife used to make fun of me for the fact that, every single time, I returned home and declared that I’d just met the loveliest people ever! But that’s the thing: I talk to people about the most joyful parts of their lives, so it’s always a huge pleasure.
How long have you been doing this work?
About three and a half years: one funeral, six namings and 42 weddings.
Why did you become a celebrant?
I’ve always been a humanist, without always knowing it. Some time ago I attended the humanist wedding of some friends, and later wrote and delivered the eulogy for my brother. I couldn’t think of anything more rewarding than being involved in people’s lives at these profound moments. I’ve done a lot of public speaking (mainly telling ghost stories to tourists) and have always taken a pride in my writing, so it seemed like the perfect thing to add to my other part-time jobs. And it was.
Is it a difficult job?
A lot of energy and work goes into it, certainly. But our training is so detailed that, while I try to remember always to feel a healthy amount of nervousness, I’ve never felt out of my depth. For my very first wedding, I told the couple over the post-ceremony champagne that it had been my first ever—and the bride’s father led the guests in a round of applause for me!
What advice would you give someone thinking of a Humanist ceremony?
I often remind people that a wedding, in particular, is the most personal thing they’ll ever do in front of an audience. So, the most important thing is that we get on well together and you trust me to take you through it. Don’t be afraid of phoning up a celebrant, talking for a while, arranging a meeting, or generally getting a feel for how they interact with you. A good celebrant won’t mind a bit (and if they’re like me, they’ll really enjoy it) so are always happy to spend this time before you make your decision.
Feedback on Ewan’s Ceremonies:
“We chose the Humanist route for several reasons and we were blown away by the whole experience. It was beyond our expectations and delivered by Ewan Main in the most delightful, caring and sensitive way. We gave Ewan our brief and told him we did not want to see what he had written – we trusted him from the outset. He presented us and our guests with a truly loving celebration and we both thank him so much for being part of our special day.” —Angie and John
“Ewan was wonderful. He took time with us to listen and understand the sensitivities of our situation, what was important to us and what we wanted to happen on the day. He wrote an amazing ceremony and delivered it perfectly. We’ve had a lot of great feedback from our guests. It could not have gone any better. We are so thankful for his professional and empathic approach and the way he delivered for us, I felt like we had a friend looking after us. Thanks Ewan, you made our day!” —Chris and Hayley
Zena Birch, London
What are the most enjoyable things about being a celebrant?
Firstly, not knowing who I am going to get to meet next. Every first meeting with a couple is like finding a new book on a bookshelf. I can’t wait to see what stories will unfold! It is such a privilege to be let into my couples’s worlds and endlessly interesting. No two couples are ever the same, they come from every class, culture, and heritage, which is part of what makes this job so engaging.
Secondly, discovering the places they take me to. As our ceremonies can be held anywhere, finding out what a couple’s ceremony location is and what it means to them is a truly wonderful experience. I have been led down B-roads that turn into lanes which then reveal the most extraordinary coastal views, or ancient wooden doors in London I have passed time and time again and never noticed, but when entered, open onto a 14th century courtyard with London’s oldest tree. I am often in awe of the locations my couples find.
What advice would you give someone thinking of a humanist ceremony?
Enjoy and embrace the process you will go on with your celebrant. There will be homework, but this journey of discovery will be one of the most rewarding parts of your wedding planning process and certainly the most important and fulfilling. I work hard with my couples to look into the reasons behind getting married and the importance of the guests they have chosen as their witnesses. This enquiry, which sounds obvious but is often overlooked, can lead to some really wonderful revelations.
What are the memorable moments of ceremonies you have taken?
There are simply too many for me to list here, but walking mid-ceremony with a couple and their guests from the beach-side café in Cornwall to the waters edge, is a very strong contender. We did this so they could say their vows and ring exchange with their bare feet in the water. This was really poignant for everyone involved. They had spent many years in a long distance relationship with the Atlantic being the thing that divided them. Standing right there, in the Atlantic’s waters, making their lifetime’s vows reduced almost all of us to sentimental fools.
Feedback on Zena’s Ceremonies:
‘There are wedding celebrants, and then there is Zena Birch. If other celebrants are lovely horses, then Zena Birch is a wedding unicorn – a magical presence making everything and everyone even more perfect and beautiful.’ Liz Lane and Tom Johnson
Douglas Duckworth, East Midlands
Why are you a celebrant?
It’s the right thing for me to do at this point in life’s journey. By using my experience and skills to help people create ceremonies I feel like I’m giving something back, though really I take at least as much as I give. Also, I’ve been to too many rubbish funerals and I feel that people deserve better. The difference between a good and an indifferent ceremony is usually a function of the time and effort put in by the celebrant. I, like my colleagues, am prepared to put the time in.
Why are you a humanist?
I can’t help it. It’s the label that best describes me and lots of people I know. It’s not a “cult” or something you can be initiated into, it’s just a common-sense way of looking at the world that refuses to take things for granted just because other people say it’s so. Although I don’t believe in a god, that doesn’t make life any less awesome, mind-blowing and mysterious.
What are you most proud of?
I’ve recently started promoting “ashes-centred” funerals, which frees people from the obligation to travel to a crematorium in steroidal black motors and allows them to do their own thing at a time and place of their choosing. I’ve conducted a few of these now and the feedback has been very positive and I really hope this becomes a trend that empowers more and more of us to stop doing what the funeral industry tells us we should.
What have you learnt?
That people are amazing, not just the strivers and achievers, all of us. I am constantly humbled by the nobility of people in the grip of great joy or sadness and what poetry lies in even the most prosaic of souls. I’ve been privileged to witness so many really beautiful moments.
Do you have any advice for other celebrants?
Yes. The best way for us to show respect for the people we work for is to be accurate. Accuracy is far more important than elegantly turned phrases. Oh and try not to take yourself too seriously, it’s good to be able to help people with fitting and personal ceremonies, but poor ceremonies also serve a purpose, even if it’s just to mobilise and focus the anger of the bereaved.
Feedback on Doug’s ceremonies:
“My sister and I knew exactly what we wanted for our memorial celebration for our late father and Doug listened to our requirements and made appropriate suggestions. He never judged us, and allowed us to have our input, even when not so conventional! His suggestions were relevant and we never felt pressured into having to conform to the rules. We chose Doug because of his background and we felt he would be able to connect with our late father, had he have known him, something we felt was important.”
Clare Hanson-Kahn, Bristol and Bath
What is the most enjoyable thing about being a celebrant?
I feel this huge sense of privilege to be working with families to create meaningful celebrations, whether it’s for a wedding or a celebration of someone’s life. I want to create a script which truly reflects the occasion. I want to demystify the process and give families choice and control to claim a ceremony for themselves. I feel a measure of having guided families through. And, of course, I enjoy the thanks!
Do you have any advice for new celebrants?
Don’t ever make assumptions and listen very hard. If you are a funeral celebrant, make thoughtful decisions about what you include… and what you don’t include. Sometimes we are party to information that isn’t for everyone else to hear.
Why did you become a celebrant?
I feel passionately about celebration and ritual. I want to help people create their own ceremonies so that it resonates for them and the people they love. We live in a world where, if we follow no religion, we are at risk of losing those symbolic rites of passage which are so important in marking our lives and denoting meaning. Why should religion have all the good ceremonies?
What advice would you give someone thinking of a Humanist ceremony?
Think about what it is that you want from your ceremony. Think about what it is that will make it yours. Think about who will be there and whether it’s important that they take part in some way.
How long have you been doing this work?
About 5 years. I mix my celebrancy work with a part-time job working as a marketing manager for a charity supporting family carers.
What are the memorable moments of ceremonies you have taken?
Approaching two passers-by at Avebury stone circle and asking them to take part in a wedding. Their surprise and pure pleasure was a delight; and the way they passed it off was quite stunning… and something of a relief. The couple’s ‘plan’ had an element of risk which no amount of forward thinking could resolve.
Feedback on Clare’s ceremonies:
Weddings:
“Thank you so much for what we felt was a lovely service. It was a real pleasure to have you preside over the occasion, and we both felt that you were a pleasure to work with throughout the process. Your attention to our story, and keeping us on track was great. Thanks again for being probably the least stressful part of the whole marriage! We really enjoyed it, and will remember it forever.” – Dan & Rhiann
Funerals:
“Thank you so so much for all you did for us yesterday, we could not have found a better celebrant anywhere. So many people after the service told me how wonderful you had been. Your calmness and reassurance from when we first talked on the phone, our meeting that we had at Mum’s house and through yesterday helped us get through this difficult step in saying goodbye to Mum, we really appreciate all you did for us.”
“Thank you so much for the way that you led the service yesterday. The children and I felt it was exactly the right balance of leadership and ‘letting things be’, and the words that you used were very sensitive, particularly at the graveside.”
To read more about Clare, see her website.
Christine Berrisford, Leeds and around
What is the most enjoyable thing about being a celebrant?
For me, it’s definitely meeting the people; I love that I get enquiries from such a broad cross-section of
the community. It’s a wonderful privilege to be invited into people’s lives and for them to share their stories with me.If you think about it, it’s quite an unusual position to be; I meet my clients a few times during the process of crafting their ceremony and yet I have to encourage them to share very personal details of their lives in order to write a really meaningful ceremony script for them. I really enjoy building those positive relationships with people.
Are there any downsides?
Honestly, not really! I currently conduct weddings and namings so I’m meeting people at very happy times in their lives,so it’s rather lovely!Some client meetings are trickier than others, particularly if people don’t have clear ideas about what they want; but that’s where the intensive training we get comes into its own as there is always a way to tease out people’s ideas and help them work out exactly what they want from their celebration.
There must be something you don’t like about your job…
I do hate navigating to meetings and get myself in a fluster quite often, as I don’t entirely trust my sat nav; and I absolutely detest having to do my self-employed tax return.
Advice to new celebrants?
- Listen, listen and listen.
- Make copious notes during meetings – it’s better to have more info than you need than too little.
- Leave all your assumptions at the door – people are endlessly surprising.
- And buy a good sat nav, an A to Z and a road atlas!
Feedback on Christine’s ceremonies:
Weddings:
What a grand job you did on Saturday. Your script and performance of it were perfectly pitched and created exactly the ceremony we had hoped for. It is no exaggeration to say that every guest talked to us about it – most saying it was by far the best ceremony they had attended; others referring to your warmth and ability to ride the waves of laughter, emotion and still keep it serious. Even allowing for wedding day hyperbole, you did an extraordinary job! Many, many thanks…It’s only a shame we can’t do it all over again soon!” – Sarah & Keith
Namings:
Christine was professional and fun, going with the flow of the day beautifully.
We wanted someone to perform a non-stuffy ceremony, letting our closest friends and family know how important our children and they are to us. Christine did a fantastic job, putting across everything we wanted and more.
She has such a lovely manner, we can’t recommend her highly enough and want to thank her for making the day even more special than we ever thought possible.” – The Ward family
To read more about Christine, see her website.
November 2015: Ian Willox, Oxfordshire and around
The most satisfying thing about being a celebrant are the thanks – often a brief card or an email – that let you know the ceremony was right for the people involved
Why did you become a celebrant?
A mixture of experience and serendipity. I ran a media company in the 90s. Two of my producers died within months of each other. One had a cremation organised by her colleagues. The other I found myself conducting. Neither I felt went very well. A year later I got married in France. The civil ceremony is brief so we organised our own ceremony. Which went ok. But I felt I could do better.
A couple of my friends were humanist celebrants in Scotland. I tried on a number of occasions to pitch a documentary about their work (especially once humanist weddings were legalised in Scotland) to the BBC without success. However the process of researching the project got me thinking.
The rigour and extent of Humanists UK celebrancy training (something I very much felt the lack of when conducting my friend’s funeral and our wedding) impressed me.
One thing lead to another and now I conduct funerals, memorials, namings and weddings. And, judging from the feedback, I feel I do a really good job.
What advice would you give someone thinking of a Humanist ceremony?
You have a choice. If it’s a funeral this can be more difficult, though a good Funeral Director will try to match the celebrant to the family. But if it is a naming or a wedding I think it is essential that you feel comfortable with your celebrant. Don’t be afraid to meet or at least talk to more than one celebrant. This is your ceremony and our job is to serve you. The find a celebrant function is your friend in this.
Feedback on Ian’s ceremonies:
Weddings: Thank you so much for Saturday – the ceremony was perfect and Teddy and I had a great time. The whole day was brilliant and it wouldn’t have been as good without you there guiding us through as well as you did. So many people told us how much they loved the ceremony and how great they thought you were as a celebrant – Kate and Teddy
Funerals: On behalf of the family I would like to say a huge thank you for your part in co-ordinating Mum’s funeral. It was a wonderful tribute to her and exactly what we had hoped for. There were so many positive comments afterwards; everyone was very impressed – not only with the content – but also with the manner in which you conducted the service: it was perfect. We feel that we did Mum proud today and, although it was a sad occasion in parts, we achieved our aim of celebrating Mum’s life. The whole family feels uplifted by it and hopefully the positive memories will help us through the difficult weeks ahead. – Ros, Bunnie and family
To read more about Ian, see his website.
October 2015: Susan Lawford, Cardiff and South Wales
Some people have a very clear idea about the sort of ceremony they want, but most value a little help and guidance. It is so rewarding to know that you’ve been able to capture exactly the sentiments they wished to express.
What are the best things about being a celebrant?
Undoubtedly the human connections that we make. Meeting people from every conceivable background and sharing with them a momentous event really is such a privilege. Some people have a very clear idea about the sort of ceremony they want, but most value a little help and guidance. It is so rewarding to know that you’ve been able to capture exactly the sentiments they wished to express.
Do you feel it’s very different working in Wales?
Well, some of the locations are incredibly beautiful. My work is probably 50/50 city of Cardiff and more rural surroundings. Bearing in mind Wales’ reputation for rain, I’ve been very lucky (so far) with outdoor weddings! There are some conventions around funerals that are a little different, as many start in the person’s home. But I think people are essentially the same wherever they are.
Any tips for new trainees?
There’s a saying … “We have two ears and one mouth. Use them in those proportions!” Listening is perhaps the most important skill we require.
Feedback on Sue’s ceremonies:
Namings: Well, Charlotte and I read the service and both cried. It’s beautiful – exactly what we wanted. We are getting very excited about the day now it’s nearly here. Lastly can you bring along the sunshine on the day please?! xx
Weddings: Hannah and I are sat in Stansted airport, about to fly to Slovenia. We just wanted to drop you a quick message to say how happy we were with the ceremony on Saturday. It was perfect. Thank you so much!
Funerals: We cannot thank you enough. As emotional as it was, we are all of the same opinion – the service was just what my dad would have wanted. Thank you.
September 2015: Victoria Denning, Shropshire
I feel it is a real privilege that at such a difficult time I, a stranger, am allowed into homes, where people open up and tell me all sorts of things and then trust me to weave the information into a story and present a ceremony that is respectful, moving and meaningful.
What got you into humanism?
I was brought up in an atheist family and although I attended a course on different world religions in my late twenties I couldn’t find one regarded woman as equals.
Jane Wynne Wilson, a family friend, presented a humanist funeral for my late husband nearly thirty years ago. Jane did a wonderful job and it was a very positive experience. In those days it was quite unusual to have a non-religious ceremony and it attracted quite a lot of interest with our friends. In the following years many people who had attended that funeral or had heard about it asked me how they could have something similar for their loved ones. I always talked very enthusiastically, described it as a celebration of a life and how it had helped me cope with a very difficult situation.
How long have you been doing this work?
After teaching in Birmingham for thirty four years, climbing the ladder to Acting Head teacher, I felt I needed a change of career. I saw that Humanists UK was appealing for people to train as celebrants and decided it would be a little like ‘doing a big assembly’! After becoming an accredited celebrant for all three types of ceremony I then become a mentor.
What do you enjoy most about being a celebrant?
Although weddings and namings are very happy occasions and I enjoy doing them, I get most satisfaction from writing and presenting funeral ceremonies. Having hated history lessons when I was at school I now find that I love the social history, finding out about the deceased’s life. I also feel it is a real privilege that at such a difficult time I, a stranger, am allowed into homes, where people open up and tell me all sorts of things, (including skeletons in their cupboards) and then trust me to weave the information into a story and present a ceremony that is respectful, moving and meaningful as they say goodbye to someone very special.
And what about after work?
I am very keen sustainable traveller and love to get off the beaten tourist track whenever I can. I have visited all the usual countries in Europe, and also Ukraine, Asia, the Caribbean, Egypt and am planning a trip to India before Christmas. Unfortunately it seems that wherever I visit within a week of getting home there is a revolution! This has happened in Egypt, Istanbul, Ukraine, Hong Kong, Thailand ……..it’s nothing to do with me, I promise!
I am also a keen Argentine Tango dancer; love my garden and spending time with my family.
Feedback on Victoria’s ceremonies:
Naming: Sunday was such a special day for us all. We thoroughly enjoyed it. It surpassed all our expectations. It was so beautiful and undertaken in such a professional yet warm and caring way. And the copy of the script will be a keepsake for when Olivier is older. Thank you.
Wedding: All our friends have commented on your ceremony and thought it absolutely perfect for us. We wholeheartedly agree and we were thrilled with how it went. It was so special in every way and extremely personal. Thank you for the calm professional nature on the day – it really helped us relax and enjoy it.
Funeral: Thank you for all the thought and effort you put into delivering and celebrating Bill’s funeral yesterday. It all went so smoothly and with such appropriate feeling for the occasion and many people have said how included they felt. It was such a relief to me to find someone whom I could talk to openly about Bill and his life with us. As you said, he was unique and I think the occasion captured that exactly. I shall always remember you.
To read more about Victoria, see her website.
August 2015 David Hewitt, Christchurch, the New Forest and around
For the growing number of people who want ‘ritual’ without God, without dogma and without routine, impersonal words, Humanist Ceremonies provide memorable, significant and happy celebrations.
Why did you become a celebrant?
Originally drawn into celebrancy having written the tribute for my Grandmother’s funeral more than 15 years ago, it was the writing and presentational aspects of the role that first attracted me. Don’t get me wrong, I do love this part of my work but it’s actually the pre-meetings with families, couples and parents I find most rewarding. Not all, but nearly all couples and most families have shared thoughts about love or death or the joy andchallenge of parenting with someone who only minutes earlier was a complete stranger to them. It is a wonderful privilege.
Is it a full-time job?
I originally envisaged a relatively quiet pre/post-retirement role but the growing awareness of families, couples and parents that they can have something different, something absolutely personal to them has for me, and many of my colleagues, turned it into a full-time job…I have to say the best job I’ve ever had. I wish I’d started doing it ten years earlier!
Do you think that humanist weddings should be legalised?
The case is overwhelming. Quite apart from the fact that such ceremonies have been legal in Scotland for ten years (and in myriad other places as diverse as Ireland, New Zealand and Norway) it would ‘level the playing field’ here in England & Wales. It would give couples with a Humanist life-philosophy the same choices as those with a religious belief.
Describe being a celebrant in three words
Privileged. Rewarding. Challenging.
Feedback on David’s ceremonies:
Naming: Joseph’s naming was everything we hoped it would be and more. It really was perfect and we thank you for making it so special, intimate, personal and just how we wanted it. – Mike & Naidene Creagh
Wedding: When I look at the difference between the pleasant but sterile civil ceremony and our wonderful, warm room filled with love, laughter, and tears, I am so glad we found you! You captured what being ‘us’ meant and it showed through every line. – Miranda & Steve Foster
Funeral: Everyone, without fail, said what a wonderful, beautiful, lovely (or whatever adjective they used) ceremony it was. It was so personal for Tony and we all remembered him in so many ways. Thank you so much. – Andrea Tizard
July 2015: Nett (Annette) Furley, Northwest England
Nett has been leading funerals and memorials (and weddings and partnership ceremonies) for about 20 years now and, as you would therefore expect, has conducted hundreds.
What do you like about conducting funerals & memorials?
I love supporting people to create a positive experience at a difficult time. I love to hear about people’s lives and feel privileged to be able to do so.
I enjoy family meetings where there are lots of voices and being able to make sense of the apparent chaos to create a ceremony in which they all recognise the deceased. Also the challenge when people say the person didn’t have an interesting life and being able to draw out things that reminds them that we all have something interesting about us.
I also love the creativity of putting together a ceremony and the ritual and performance of the actual funeral.
Do you think that funerals are the place to promote humanism?
Only by virtue of the quality of the ceremony and by showing people there is a way to celebrate and witness someone’s life without religion. Certainly not by evangelising or going into long descriptions about what humanism is. This is the mourners’ funeral ceremony after all.
What else do you do other than being a celebrant?
As well as working with Department of Health on developing clinical guidelines and some management consultancy, the work I do that is most complimentary to being a celebrant is as an End of Life Doula, in which I support people with a limited time to live.
As a celebrant trainer, what are you keen for celebrants to understand about the role?
The first thing is ensure that you stay passionate about this role – if not it will show and it is time to stop.
Remember it’s not your grief or sadness so don’t behave, or use phrases, as if it is. You are in a specialist role, the best thing you can do for mourners is to stay strong and professional;
Most of all, be proud to be in this role. It’s a positive, creative, privileged one to be in.
Feedback on Nett’s ceremonies:
‘We wanted to give you our sincere thanks for the service you performed for our father. Everyone agreed it was one of the best services they had ever attended. . . you did a fabulous job, the whole day, if it can be, was something to be remembered with joy’
‘Thank you for the wonderful service you conducted for my aunt. It was perfect for her in every way and I know she would have thought so too. All that you said and did for us that day made it a memorable and positive time which made saying our goodbyes so much easier. In fact it left us all with a great feeling of peace. You have a wonderful gift’
‘I will never be able to thank you for the way that you guided us as a family through my husband’s funeral. A time of great sorrow, but also great joy as he left behind so many powerful memories’
To read more about Nett, see her website.
June 2015: Jim Trimmer, London
I have been taking ceremonies since 2001 and get real satisfaction from creating and leading three very different kinds of celebration.
Why did you train to be a celebrant?
I have always had an interest in people and what makes them tick – my degree was in social science – and my professional background was in journalism and communication, with a good chunk of my spare time being spent performing in one way or another. I can feel at ease in most people’s company, and seem to be able to put them at their ease. Reading about Ian Durie’s humanist funeral was the first I knew that such a thing existed, and at the time I was beginning to look for something to do, once I had finally had enough of the PR business, that would supplement other sources of income. Working as a celebrant ticks all the boxes.
What are the rewards of the three ceremony types?
If I can deliver an appropriate and memorable funeral ceremony, that gives those left behind comfort in the form of something coherent and truthful to take away with them, I’ve done a good job. A naming ceremony aims to convey a real sense of welcome into the human community. For weddings, apart from all the obvious production values, my personal goal is to make the groom cry! And thanks to all three ceremony types, my knowledge of music and literature has expanded enormously – a reward in itself.
What is your advice for someone planning a humanist ceremony?
If it’s a funeral, first find your celebrant and with their help choose a crematorium or burial site and book a slot that suits you. Then find a funeral director who can deliver. For weddings and namings, it’s all about personal chemistry. We are a pretty diverse bunch, and what suits one client won’t necessarily suit another. So try to meet with two or three before making a final choice. But do keep all the prospective celebrants informed: nobody likes to be left hanging!
To read more about Jim, see his website.
May 2015: Harriet O’Brien, Herfordshire & London.
It’s always a delight to meet couples as such at exciting time and have the privilege of talking to them about all the little things that make their relationship special.
Why did you train to be a celebrant?
When I was planning my own wedding I knew I wanted a ceremony that was personal and traditional but not religious, so a Humanist approach felt just right. The celebrant at my wedding was great. She created a unique ceremony that really expressed our story and personalities. I wanted to offer other people the same experience and working as a celebrant combines my love of language, literature and family. I also value the inclusive aspect – marrying same sex couples or couples from different faith backgrounds.
What do you enjoy most about your work?
There’s is the thrill and challenge of using story-telling, poetry, humour and a bit of magic to capture a real flavour of that individual relationship in the wedding script. Creating the right atmosphere from the moment the ceremony starts, developing a rapport with the guests and making the couple feel comfortable and calm is hugely satisfying and enjoyable. And then there are all the lovely photos, thank you’s and memories!
What are the memorable moments of ceremonies you have taken?The moments that stay with me are the highly personal elements that capture something of the couple’s culture, values and interests: the Chilean groom’s father playing the bride in on his guitar, the family dog processing down the aisle with the flower girls, the guests all singing a rapturous rendition of ‘Sweet Caroline’, the bride’s teenage son overcome with emotion and searching for tissue!
To read more about Harriet, see her website.
April 2015: Sally Feldman, London.
I take all three ceremonies and love the mixture of emotion and solemnity and sheer joy of all of them, though each is satisfying in different ways.
Why did you train to be a celebrant?
I trained a couple of years ago when I retired from my full-time job as a university dean. I wanted to be able to use my skills to do something useful and rewarding.
What are the rewards of the three ceremony types?
Baby namings are great fun and chaotic, usually with numerous guide-parents. For a recent ceremony one of them was in Australia so he attended by digital magic – an iPad propped on the piano.
Weddings are just glorious, so happy and stylish. I’ve just conducted my first gay wedding and that was incredibly moving, especially when I pronounced the happy couple husband and husband and the whole room erupted in cheers, from tiny children to the very oldest relatives. We’ve certainly come a long way.
But of course funerals are for me the bedrock of what we do, hugely important and a grave responsibility. But even they can be fun. In one, they toasted the coffin with champagne; in another a veteran Eastender had his cloth cap on the coffin, and everyone left to the strains of The Lambeth Walk.
What is your advice for someone planning a humanist ceremony?
Baby namings – will never go to plan as things never do with babies and children around. Keep it short. If it’s going to be a big gathering get someone to organise a kids’ area.
Weddings – are planned so far in advance that there will inevitably be fraught differences. Avoid butterfly releases.
Funerals –be careful of speakers who won’t provide a script. They’ll threaten the all-important timing.
To read more about Sally, see her website.
March 2015: Patsy Wallace, Taunton
I want people to know that they have a choice. Nobody needs to be shoe-horned into a religious funeral anymore if it’s not right for them.
What made you become a celebrant?
I first thought about it after being so impressed at the time and care the celebrant took when organising my mum’s humanist funeral. Mum had been an atheist all her life and we wanted a ceremony that was true to her and her outlook.
Over the next fifteen years I attended some very disappointing funerals that seemed to have nothing to do with the people I had cared about. When I finally had the space in my life to train to become a celebrant, I leapt at it and haven’t looked back.
Isn’t your job depressing?
Not at all! In fact, visits to bereaved families are often uplifting occasions as we talk about the person who has died, look at photographs and consider music and poetry to use during the funeral.
What’s the best part of being a celebrant?
Without doubt it’s getting feedback from families and hearing what a difference it made to have a funeral that really reflected their loved one and the life they led.
To read more about Patsy, see her website.
