When someone dies, the people who knew them need somewhere to express their grief. For as long as there have been people, that place has been a funeral in some form or another. There is evidence of funeral practices that go back almost 100,000 years, although in a different way to what we do today. The way we say goodbye might be changing, but the need to gather and grieve together is part of what makes us fundamentally human.
Funerals are changing, but the need for them isn’t
Direct cremation now accounts for around one in five funerals in the UK. For many families this is a practical economic choice. This doesn’t lessen the need for a ceremony to help people grieve or celebrate someone’s life. Families who choose direct cremation can still go on to hold a memorial, a wake, or a celebration of life.
Funeral ceremonies, whether for a burial, cremation or direct cremation, are an important way for us to confront our grief, finding structure and control in a chaotic time and getting support from our friends and community.
But what about the cost of a funeral?
The cost of a funeral is a real worry, and it’s one we take seriously. The average simple attended funeral in the UK now costs £3,828, compared with £1,628 for a direct cremation. Around 15% of families say paying for a funeral has caused them notable financial strain.
No one should feel pressured into spending money they don’t have. The good news is that a meaningful ceremony doesn’t depend on the price of the coffin or the number of cars behind the hearse. It depends on the people in the room and the stories they share.
A Humanist Ceremonies celebrant typically charges between £180 and £300 to create and lead a ceremony in a single crematorium slot, and will tell you the exact fee from the start. If you choose direct cremation, which can cost between £1,000 and £1,700, a celebrant can lead a memorial in a village hall, a pub, a garden, or the place where you scatter the ashes. The important thing is to come together, tell the story of the person who has died and start processing your grief.
An honest goodbye
A good funeral is authentic and honours the person who died. For someone who wasn’t religious, a funeral built around promises of an afterlife can feel disrespectful. It can leave the people feeling that the ceremony was about someone else.
A humanist funeral is honest. It acknowledges that someone has died, that this was the one life they had, and that their life mattered. The comfort doesn’t come from what might happen next. It comes from the people they loved, the things they did, and the difference they made.
The power of storytelling
At the heart of every good funeral is a story, the story of one person’s life and how they were loved. Stories are how we make sense of a life, and how we carry someone with us afterwards. Hearing a whole life told out loud is powerful. Colleagues discover who someone was at home. Grandchildren hear about adventures from long before they were born. Old friends recognise the person they knew in every line, every song, every part of the ceremony.
Why we need to grieve together
Grief is lonely. After a death, it’s easy to feel that no one else understands what you are going through. Standing in a room with everyone who knew and cared about the person who has died, you see that your loss is shared. Funerals give us permission to cry, to laugh, and to remember out loud. They let family, friends, neighbours, colleagues acknowledge together that someone who mattered has died.
That shared moment is often where grieving properly begins. It’s also why so many families who skip a service often feel regret.
Your final memory
A funeral is the last thing you will organise for someone who has died, and the last memory of them. Years from now, people will still talk about that day: the song that made everyone smile, the story no one had heard before, the room full of people whose lives they touched.
So make it a special one. It doesn’t have to be grand or expensive. It just has to be true to them.
Whatever you need a funeral to be
Funerals will always be important because people are important. Every life is unique, and every life deserves to be marked honestly, with warmth, and in the company of others who cared.
Whether you want a full ceremony at a crematorium, a memorial service after a direct cremation, or a gathering in the garden with a cup of tea, a humanist celebrant can help you create the right goodbye. And if you are thinking about your own funeral, don’t think that asking for no fuss is an act of kindness for your loved one. They want to remember you and they need the collective act of grief from a funeral, to help them process their loss. A memorable and meaningful funeral, one where you have expressed your wishes and helped them organise it, is the greater act of kindness.
