After someone dies, having their ashes with you can feel like a precious responsibility. You may have brought them home after a cremation, or had them delivered to you after a direct cremation, meaning to decide later what to do with ashes. For many people, that decision can get quietly postponed – sometimes for months, or even years.
Whether you’ve been holding on to a loved one’s ashes for a while or you’re still deciding on what type of ceremony feels right, there are meaningful, non-religious options available – and it’s never too late to mark someone’s unique life with a ceremony.
Why Do So Many People Have Ashes at Home?
In recent years, direct cremation has become an increasingly popular choice. particularly since the pandemic. This ‘no-fuss’, lower-cost’ option is sometimes chosen to replace a full funeral, meaning that many families find that they have the ashes of their loved one, but have not had a ceremony or the time to come together to mark their death, celebrate their life and pay their respects.
Demand for unattended, ‘direct’ cremation has grown because, during the pandemic,, the restrictions on gatherings meant that few people were able to attend funerals in person. Since then, the trend has continued, with many less people being formally and collectively recognised by their family, friends, and wider communities. Not having any ceremony can make bereavement, and the grief journey, more difficult for those left behind.
But just because you may not have had a funeral at time doesn’t mean it’s too late to gather, remember, and celebrate a life well lived.
It’s Not Too Late to Hold a Ceremony
If you’ve been holding onto the ashes of a loved one, waiting for the right time to hold a memorial event, you should know that you can still hold a memorial or ash scattering ceremony, weeks, months, or even years after someone’s death.
Many people choose a meaningful date such as:
- The birthday of the person who died
- The anniversary of their death
- A seasonal date they loved (e.g. spring equinox, New Year’s Day)
- Or a date that works best for family and friends to come together
A Humanist Ceremonies celebrant can help to create a personal and heartfelt ceremony that reflects your loved one’s life and values. Whether it’s a small family gathering or a larger celebration, your celebrant will craft a non-religious event that honours the person and brings people together, with warmth and compassion. Humanist ceremonies are inclusive and welcoming to everyone, regardless of their beliefs.
What Happens at a Humanist Memorial or Ash Scattering Ceremony?
Every humanist ceremony is unique and personal. Your celebrant will work closely with you to learn about your loved one’s life, values, and the memories you’d like to share. They’ll then write a bespoke ceremony that might include:
- A welcome and introduction to what is going to happen
- A thoughtful and uplifting tribute
- Readings, poems, or music that are meaningful to you
- Space for personal contributions from family and friends
- A moment for reflection, or a silent prayer for those who have a faith
- A symbolic act if you wish to include this – such as scattering the ashes, planting a tree, or lighting a candle
- Closing words that give closure and leave attendees feeling comforted
These ceremonies don’t include religion. Instead, they focus on the person who died, their relationships, and the legacy they left behind. The tone can be gentle, celebratory, heartfelt – whatever feels right.
Ideas for What to Do with Ashes
There are many thoughtful and creative ways to say goodbye – whether that involves scattering the ashes, keeping a portion, or transforming them into a lasting tribute. Here are some options to consider:
Ash Scattering (Do check regulations for private and public spaces)
- In a favourite natural spot
- At sea, on a beach, or in a forest
- In your garden or a dedicated remembrance area
- In a memorial garden or green burial site
- In a memorial firework
- In wildflower seed balls
- Into space – read our blog with Aura Flights to find out more
A celebrant-led ash scattering ceremony can bring meaning and connection to this moment, allowing you to remember the person who has died while letting go of their ashes.
You Can Also Turn Ashes Into a Lasting Tribute
- Turn some of the ashes into memorial jewellery or glass art
- Use a biodegradable urn that grows into a memorial tree
- Add a small portion to a time capsule or memory box
- Commission a sculpture or painting that includes some of the ashes
It’s Okay to Keep Ashes With You If That’s What Feels Right
- You can keep the ashes in an urn or decorative box
- Have a number of small urns shared between family members
Many families choose to combine these options – scattering some ashes and keeping a small amount as a keepsake.
Why Ceremony Still Matters
Ceremony helps us mark the significance of a life and begin to make sense of loss. It’s a chance to reflect, to share memories, and to honour a person’s unique life story. Humanist ceremonies are meaningful events for those who weren’t religious, allowing the family and friends to have a respectful and authentic farewell.
Whether you’re planning a memorial, an ash scattering, or a celebration of life ceremony, a Humanist Ceremonies celebrant can guide and support you to create something that truly reflects your loved one – no matter how long it’s been since they died.
Talk to a Humanist Ceremonies Celebrant
If you’ve been holding on to ashes and wondering what to do you don’t have to plan something meaningful on your own.
Find a funeral celebrant near you at https://humanists.uk/ceremonies/find-a-celebrant/funerals/ these highly trained celebrants can help you craft a personal, non-religious memorial or ash scattering ceremony which honours the life of your loved one.
More reading:
Holding a memorial ceremony after a direct cremation: Five things you need to know
What is a direct cremation and is it right for us?
