Mat and Nikki wanted an outdoor wedding that was fun, quirky, and included all the people who mattered to them. With a large dose of creativity, and the help of their humanist celebrant, that’s exactly what they got!
“Nikki and I met through AirBnB,” explains Mat. “I was looking for temporary room space closer to work and Nikki’s place came up. I moved in, we hit it off, and we were dating in a couple of weeks.”
Even though Mat bought his own house nearby, over the next few years, the couple were always in and out of each other’s homes, until Mat moved back in with Nikki last summer. Shortly after that, he asked her whether they could get engaged.
“I was in shock when Mat asked me!” says Nikki. “He had been married twice already and, when we’d talked about marriage before, it wasn’t something we were bothered about.” But now the time felt right, and Nikki said yes. Then the planning began!
A wedding for a couple who love the outdoors
“We both love nature and the outdoors,” Nikki explains. “I went to an open day at The Firs and I loved it. You could hear the birdsong and see the natural canopy of trees overhead.”
At the open day, Nikki got talking to a humanist celebrant and discovered how close her own values – of connecting with others and with the universe, being kind, and treating people as you want to be treated – were to humanist values. Unfortunately, that celebrant was already booked for the date that Nikki and Mat had in mind.
“So she recommended Katie instead!” says Nikki. “We met her online initially, and both Mat and I agreed she had the energy we wanted for the celebration. Then she came over to meet us. She asked lots of questions and asked for our ideas.”
“A humanist wedding had the right style, vibe and energy for us,” agrees Mat. “It felt totally natural. Nothing seemed to be a problem for Katie. We told her our story – it was a bit quirky and she got that quirkiness. She got us.
“When she told the story on the day, it really flowed. There was nothing stilted about it, like there might have been in a church service. She was so welcoming to everyone. The feedback afterwards was how much everyone enjoyed something different. Nicely different.”
And Nikki and Mat’s ceremony was certainly different, just as they wanted it to be!
A wedding that turned tradition on its head
“We turned the traditions on their heads,” says Nikki. “We got to choose what happened. People always ask, ‘who’s going to give you away?’ Well, first of all, in this day and age, no one was going to give me away! Instead, our sons, who are 21 and 34, were our best men.
“It was lovely having our sons there and them being old enough to appreciate it. We didn’t expect them to do a toast, but they both did. They were both very much part of the whole celebration.
“I didn’t want to walk down the aisle by myself, and we didn’t want a first dance later, so we thought, ‘what else could we do?’ We decided to tiptoe together through the woods to where the ceremony was being held to ‘Oh so quiet’ by Björk. When the loud bit started, we kicked off our flip flops, I threw down my flowers and we started jiving.”
“It was fun! I’m beaming now just thinking about it,” remembers Mat. “Everyone had a smile on their face as the ceremony started.”
A wedding that united two different people
At the heart of the ceremony was the hand-fasting, or tying the knot.
“We held our hands together while the ribbons were woven around them by friends and family.”
Months later, the ribbons give the couple an everyday reminder of their wedding day. “We used the gifts that people gave us at the wedding to get a summerhouse in the garden,” says Mat. “We’ve hung the ribbons from the roof beams. It’s where we go in the mornings for a few minutes to meditate and reflect.”
A wedding that brought people together
Nikki and Mat were determined that all their guests would feel equally welcomed, comfortable and included at the wedding. Their humanist celebrant played a big part in making this happen.
“My best friend from school, and her mum, came from Devon. I’ve known them since I was 15 or 16. Mat’s dad, sister, niece and step-daughters were all there,” says Nikki.
“The guest who travelled the furthest to be there was my cousin from Seattle,” adds Mat. “There was a real mixture of people. It was lovely, it didn’t matter if people hadn’t met each other before, they were all welcomed by our celebrant Katie with the same style and energy.
“Afterwards, we all had a glass of Pimms and it was important to us that Katie, the videographer, and all the people who had helped us, were part of that too. We wanted her to know how much we valued her.”
“It summed up who we are,” continues Nikki. “There was no top table at the reception, that wasn’t right for our family dynamics, and we didn’t want that anyway. Instead we had picnic benches round in a clockface, with us on a table for two in the middle. We would wander round and sit with random people. We wanted everyone to feel included.”
Reflections on getting married again in your fifties
“I was married before at a much younger age,” reflects Mat. “I was 21, and it was when my son was about to be born, it felt like the traditional thing to do because we were having a child.
“Marriage means something different to me now than it did then. I’ve seen the ups and downs of life and different relationships. Now, it’s about my choice.
“I feel that Nikki and I decided to get married for the right reasons. Being a bit older enables you to enjoy it for what it is – a celebration of the unity of two people, something to be happy about. The ceremony itself and the people who we invited were the most important thing to us.”
A huge thank you to Mat and Nikki for sharing their story with us, and thank you to Calvin Tasker for the magical images click here to visit his website.
Their wedding celebrant was Katie Isles, a lover of weddings and a highly trained and accredited humanist celebrant based in Birmingham (but willing to travel).
Find out more about Katie here.
Read more
Looking for more wedding inspiration? Check out these other fabulous real-life humanist weddings:
- Gabrielle and Dearbhaile’s story: A humanist ceremony in Northern Ireland to celebrate converting a civil partnership to a marriage.
- Lewis & Imanina’s countryside elopement
- Lauren & Chris’ castle wedding in Northern Ireland
More about humanist weddings
- What is a humanist wedding?
- FAQs
- Recently engaged? Here’s your guide to planning a personal non-religious wedding ceremony
- Find your wedding celebrant
